Could you use a break? Are you constantly stretched, trying to get everything done? This feeling is increasingly common. When we’re perpetually rushed and drained, it becomes difficult to be productive—or to enjoy life at all. Wouldn’t it be nice if someone stepped in and said, “You have too much on your plate. Time for a nap!” Unfortunately, that rarely happens. Which is exactly why, if you need a break, plan one now.
You may notice I didn’t say, “If you need a break, take one now.” That’s intentional. The current moment is often not the best time to pause and regroup. For instance:
- You can’t take a break when supervising young children.
- You can’t take a break while driving kids to activities.
- You can’t take a break in the middle of a meeting.
- You can’t take a break when a deadline is looming
Nevertheless, taking breaks is critical. Simply knowing that a break is on the horizon can be energizing. Seeing that light at the end of the tunnel can keep us on task and moving forward.
While we all might long for a break that looks like a week in a beach chair (ok, maybe that’s just me), even short breaks can be restorative. Here are a few ideas, depending on your situation:
- An uninterrupted hour to yourself.
- A 20-minute nap.
- Time to go to the gym.
- A guilt free hour to bake, read, or game.
- Permission to sit on the couch and do nothing.
- Quiet time by the Christmas tree with music.
- A soak in the tub.
Of course, the list of possibilities is endless.
Breaks Are Our Responsibility
The reality is that breaks are our responsibility. Everyone else is busy with their own lives, their own deadlines, and their own specific set of needs. Superiors, coworkers, children, spouses, and care receivers may be unaware of how desperately we need a break. In some cases, they might not even care. However, even when they do, it is unrealistic to expect them to design and execute our break.
So, if no one else is going to step in to help, how do we go about planning a break? There are a couple of key steps.
Brainstorm Your Break
Complaining might feel good in the moment, but it won’t get us any closer to the break we need. A more productive first step is to seriously think about what would truly help. It probably is not scrolling social media (which can leave us feeling envious) or doom scrolling the news (which can make us feel hopeless).
Instead, pause and consider what you truly need. For instance, do you need sleep, fresh air, time alone, or uninterrupted time? Could you use just an hour to run errands without kids in tow? Maybe you’d like to enjoy one meal without interruption? Do you need time to not be “on call?”
Consult Your Calendar
If you want to do anything–and I mean anything– your best shot of doing so is by scheduling it in your calendar. I recently talked to a mom’s group and told them, “Whenever a task falls into your life, the first question to ask yourself if, ‘When can I do this?’” The same concept applies to planning a break.
Vague intentions rarely come to fruition. Untethered objectives tend to languish unrealized. The goal is to put your break into your calendar, and if necessary, into the calendar of others in your life.
Admittedly, this is the hardest part of the process. You may look at your calendar and say, “There simply isn’t time for me to take this break.” I hear you! The truth is something else is likely going to have to give. You may need to cancel a plan or relinquish an intention in order to make this happen. Perhaps you will need to miss a performance, party, or special event. You may even risk falling short at work or school. We constantly face the need to sort and prioritize what’s on our plate. It’s important to remember that taking a break is not the same as quitting or walking away.
I also want you to remember this: if you don’t plan the break you need, life may force one on you. Illness and injury occur most frequently when we have pushed ourselves too hard. Unlike planned breaks, these come unexpectedly, frequently with severity, and can interfere with all of our plans, not just a one or two.
Communicate Your Plan
Once you are clear on the break you need and when you think you can take it, it’s time to put your plan into action. Bring the relevant stakeholders together and clearly communicate what you need and what you’re proposing.
Be prepared for some pushback. It’s very possible that others may not like the idea of your planning a break, particularly if you have been operating without one for a long time. Most people are inherently more focused on their own needs than on yours, so if your break interferes with their lives, they might balk.
I know this isn’t easy. Your boss may say, “Well, that’s the job. Take it or leave it.” Your spouse may say, “I also need a break, so I can’t help you.” Here are a few possible responses:
- No one is going to be happy if I fall apart. I can’t sustain this pace.
- Having this small break will allow me to show up and get things done the rest of the time.
- I want to maximize my productivity, and this is part of how I can do it.
- I’m worried that I will make mistakes/injure someone/have an accident/etc. if I don’t get this break.
- I understand we all need breaks, so let’s talk about how we can help each other.
- I’ve identified resources (such as a babysitter, a friend, a coworker, a parent/grandparent) that will allow to me to take this break without causing a problem.
Balance is seldom something we can achieve every day, but it should be a goal we pursue over the long term. Discouragement, despair, and depression can actually be exhaustion in disguise.
Do Less Moving Forward
If you’ve reached the point where you’re fighting to get a break, take it as a sign that something needs to change. This might mean signing up for less, buying less, and/or doing less, all of which can result of a life of more. It could mean changing jobs, renegotiating division of labor, or cutting back on commitments.
Life is such that there will always be moments and perhaps seasons of intensity. Planning the breaks you need is not a cop out–it’s a coping strategy. Adrenaline only lasts so long before it undermines health and well-being.
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Do you intentionally plan breaks into your schedule? What helps you rest and recharge most?
Naps are a nonnegotiable break in my week. These are both planned and spontaneous. It’s my way of restoring my energy.
I just had a reader text me his thoughts on this post and he said that exact same thing!!
I have found at this point in my life I have to have several mini breaks in order to get through my day. After completing a task, I go sit down and set my timer for 10 – 15 minutes. This past week with extra baking and preparations for a visit from my family I have allowed myself to skip guilt-free some tasks from my regular schedule.
It’s funny how sometimes we are harder on ourselves than anyone. We need to give that “guilt-free” permission to ourselves, and then enjoy that time to the fullest!
I agree that nothing happens without a plan – scheduling a specific day and time is a must. I also like what you said about noticing the break as a light at the end of the tunnel. I need that light right now.
Thank you for all your fabulous posts this year.
We all go through seasons where that light is the only thing that keeps us going. Wishing a speedy journey to that light for you, Diane! And back at you about the wonderful posts all year! It’s fun to share our experiences and expertise!
I feel calmer and more relaxed just reading your words. Aside from you advocating for planned breaks whether that’s napping, sitting, or taking a bubble bath, underneath this is really your message about setting boundaries.
Because as you said, while you might need a break, other people in your life could feel inconvenienced about you taking one. You shared many compelling ‘comebacks’ for those who might object. The whole thing with boundaries is understanding your own needs and wants, and then being able to communicate those clearly. If you put “breaks” on the back burner and deem them unimportant, no one else is going to cheer you on to take them.
Know thyself. Everyone needs breaks- planned, spontaneous, or gifted. They are essential to your health and well-being.
Thank you for this beautiful and timely message. It’s not break time for me yet, but there will be one coming up in a bit.
Hopefully we will all get a little break over the next couple of weeks. Sometimes we are lucky enough to get a long spell away, and other times, we need to make the most of that 20 minute nap.
Yes, this truly is all about boundaries. I think the key to understanding a boundary is knowing that this is about how I will behave. It isn’t about making someone else behave in a specific way, but it does clearly communicate what I will do if/when a circumstance occurs. Sadly, pushback is normal. But we can’t blame others for not giving us one. That would be nice, but don’t count on it. We need to be our own advocate.
Yes! Putting a break on the calendar has been a game-changer for me. Small, intentional breaks really help me come back refreshed.
I don’t get long ones either, but those shorter breaks really do make a difference!
I love that you made the point that our breaks are our responsibility. Nobody is thinking about us or our need for respite; if we do not put on our own oxygen masks, we’re not going to be any good for anyone. When I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed, the first thing I do is count how long (minutes, hours, days, weeks?) until I have some space to re-center myself. Whether it’s the middle of a client session or the middle of a really busy season, knowing that the break is coming is like a tall, cool class of water when you’re parched. It provides the re-set you need…for the moment.
I’m also glad you pointed out that there are times where nobody is offering to help, and you just have to recognize that not getting the break is going to make it worse. Sometimes, you have to disappoint others (or yourself); sometimes your boss says “that’s the job, take it or leave it” and if you say you’ll have to leave it, they’ll backpedal (but sometimes they won’t). Sometimes a spouse says they won’t help, and you have to note that if you have to live as though you’re alone, then you may as well be alone, and *they’ll* backpedal when they realize you’re serious. And sometimes, you just have to let go of expectations — yours of yourself as well as everyone else’s.
I fully recognize that I have a lot more “free” time than someone with children and a spouse, but I picked this life and make no apologies for it — and I still say no to working on certain days (when my schedule is already too full) because I know how much buffer space I need to operate optimally.
Seana, you’re right about everything you’ve said, because if you don’t plan a break, YOU may break, and that won’t be good for anyone.
Loving that last line, Julie. Totally right! If we don’t plan a break, we may break.
I’m the same as you and when I’m feeling stretched, strained, or otherwise drained, I’ve always got an eye out for how much longer I need to “stay strong.” This is actually one of the things I found difficult about parenting. I often saw no break on the horizon, and I couldn’t just walk away. I had to work very hard to find ways to get a break. This is when even 20 minutes meant the world to me!
This is great! I used to wait until I needed a break and always burned out first. Planning it ahead has made rest so much more intentional and actually enjoyable. Hope you had a nice Christmas!
Well, I actually am spending the Christmas break with the flu, so not the break I planned on, but I’m certainly being unproductive!