When I was little, I used to search the evening sky for the first star to appear. As soon as I spotted it, I would make a wish. Perhaps this was a tradition that came from the movie Pinocchio, in which Jiminy Cricket sings “When you wish upon a star, your dreams will come true.” As an adult, I no longer believe that wishing on a star will make anything happen. In fact, when I wish on a star, throw a coin in a fountain, or blow on birthday candles, I don’t really expect any results. Wishes alone are usually momentary longings that are quickly forgotten. If we want to make true progress, we need to add action to our wishes. Productivity incorporates the powerful role of wishes and work in getting things done.
Wishing is a good place to start.
Often when I work with clients, I ask them, “If you could wave a magic wand and see this project finished, what would you see?” If they can’t answer this question, we need to stop and figure it out. Vague goals are hard to achieve.
Wishing and dreaming help us connect with what we truly hope to achieve. Articulating our wishes out loud to another person also makes them “real,” adding a touch of accountability. Sharing exposes our wishes to criticism, ridicule, revisions, and other opinions, so this can feel risky. Nevertheless, talking about wishes can help us clarify what matters most. Additionally, if we lack the wherewithal to verbally defend our wish, we probably lack the determination to do what is necessary to see the wish through to reality.
Wishes can be unrealistic.
In our “go big or go home” culture, it is tempting to set our wishes out of reach. We get caught up in dreaming about a total life overhaul instead of focusing on attainable goals that will concretely improve our lives.
Dreaming big is not a crime, and periodically it can be fun. However, wishing away our lives on fantasies will just keep our wishes out of reach. If we want our wishes to come true, we need to focus on what things we are willing to work for, not only scenarios that will require extraordinarily good fortune.
Too much wishing can be a trap.
The “wishing” stage is not an action stage. It is a time when we consider, define, research, and plan. Eventually, if we want to see a wish become a reality, we need to leave the starting gate. The longer we wait to begin, the more our minds can convince us of reasons not to try:
- I’m not good enough.
- I don’t have enough money.
- I can’t focus.
- I don’t feel like it.
- I’ll never be able to do it.
While there may be valid reasons why taking action will be hard, this doesn’t mean it is impossible. It’s easy to get stuck in the wishing phase, spinning around in our minds. We can even start to doubt whether our wish is even any good. This is fear talking, and it is best silenced by action.
Wishes become reality when partnered with effort.
A successful life is often depicted as one of leisure, rest, and relaxation. However, it seems that human beings actually benefit by exerting effort:
- Muscles grow when stressed by weight.
- Bones need to be put under pressure to be strong.
- Our minds stay agile with stimulation and use.
The idea that we find our fulfillment in lying around all day is a fallacy. Procrastinating action increases anxiety, and lack of purpose can damage our joy and self-esteem. This doesn’t mean that every effort we exert will be fun; much of what we must do in life can be unpleasant. Additionally, pausing to rest is a critical aspect of caring for our minds and bodies. Nevertheless, there can be great satisfaction in overcoming a challenge, figuring out a puzzle, persevering through a rough spot, and even just checking mundane items off a task list. There is joy in a job well done.
We “choose our own hard.”
Balancing wishing and working can be a challenge. We often default to what we feel like doing. Unfortunately, while feelings are important, they tend to be very “now” focused. As a result, they can undermine our motivation to take (potentially difficult) action, even if such action would benefit us in the future.
The question really is, “Where do we choose our hard?” Will we do something hard now or delay our hard to a future point in time? The answer to this question will vacillate depending on the situation. At the same time, it is helpful to think as clearly as we can about our choices when confronting a task.
For instance:
- The question we think we are asking: “Am I choosing to do the dishes now or to relax on the sofa?”
- The question we are actually asking: “Am I choosing to do the dishes tonight, or do I choose to clean them in the morning?
- The question we think we are asking: Am I choosing to work on this project for ½ hour every day after school, or do I want to relax after school?
- The question we are actually asking: Am I choosing to work on this project for ½ hour every day after school, or am I choosing to pull an all-nighter the day before it is due?
- The question we think we are asking: Will I put everything away when I walk in the door or will I check my email and change my clothes?
- The question we are actually asking: Will I put everything away when I walk in the door, or will I put things down, and come back to put them away later? (or potentially never put them away and loose them?)
Clarifying the choice we are actually making may be helpful in creating a healthy balance between wishing and working. The “hard” will happen at some point; the decision is whether we face that hard thing now or later. If you have a tendency to put tasks off, try to focus more on rewarding the future you. Allow yourself to wish and envision how nice it might be to finally check a task off your list, to walk into a home that looks orderly, to arrive at an appointment with time to spare, etc. Dream about how good that might feel!
Working for our wishes grows grit, which leads to wishes coming true.
Lastly, whenever we add work to our wishes, we grow our “grit.” Grit, tenacity, and the ability to persevere are wonderful characteristics that we can cultivate. When we push through a hard moment, we instantly feel a bit better about ourselves. Accomplishments – even small ones – enhance our confidence and built momentum.
Believe it or not, you can do hard things! Yes, you may need to help to get started, or to course correct along the way, but you are stronger than you think. Don’t talk yourself out of your wishes, just keep showing up until you achieve them.
* * *
Wishing on a star is fun, but working for that wish is much more rewarding. What’s the last wish you worked for?
When I think of wishes, I think of this statement. A wish is a dream without a plan. Having the plan makes the wish come true! That is our role to help our clients make and execute the plan.
We all need a little help forming and executing a plan sometimes!
Your post is so timely and connects in many ways to what I wrote about this week. I finally completed a long-time “wish.” I wanted to redo our guest bedroom, which used to be the kids’ room. For a variety of reasons, I kept putting it off.
However, we finally completed it this week. Well, it’s mostly complete. There are a few minor things to add, but it’s basically done and useable. I’m so happy about how it came out.
I stayed in that “dream” stage for way too long. Yet things happened quickly when I finally pulled the ‘go’ lever.
Congratulations on finally achieving this long-time dream. Sometimes I dream for a long time as well, and then I finally get “in the mood” and get it done. Often I reflect and wonder why it took me so long to take action.
How wonderful to have a guest space that you can share with others!
I like the way you reframed the questions, Seana. The idea of when we are choosing to do the hard task is a great one to ponder. I included a little bit about the word “later” in my post this week. It’s often something I talk about with my clients. Later is so vague – something you talk about also. Deciding when is important because that’s how something gets done.
Deciding when, and then following through, is critical! A free chunk of time rarely opens up, and even when it does, I find few people jump up and use it to reset theiri space and put things away!
Oh, you are ringing all my bells. I’m a big believer in wishing on stars, when the clock strikes 11:11 (a.m. or p.m.), on birthday candles, and when finding pennies heads-up on the ground. Wishes can be fanciful for some, but I never wish for anything that I don’t believe could actually happen (with at least some input on my part). However, I joke that my wishes have lots of semi-colons, and many dependent clauses. 😉
But a wish (or a dream) is merely a fancy if you don’t shoulder your way through the parts that can bring them to fruition. You can wish for a dreamboat, but if you never leave your house, there’s very little chance your ship will come in (unless he’s a DoorDash driver).
I absolutely love the way you pose the idea of choosing your own “hard.” Hard now or later? Hard in tiny bites or in a mad panic? Stellar post!
I love your comment… “my wishes have lots of semi-colons and dependent clauses.” Such intelligent wit!!
There is magic when we combine wishes with work. I’d love a DoorDash driver, but my life so far has had few of those. Besides, I think the coming-to-life of a dream means so much when we knew we have worked for it. So much satisfaction and joy!
I love your thought “Vague goals are hard to achieve.” Like you, when talking to a prospective client I’ll ask “If I waved a magic wand, what would this room look like?” If the answer is vague, it signals that they don’t know what they want. Then it’s hard to meet their expectations because they (and I) don’t know what they are.
I think you are right that their wish can become reality with assistance from an organizer!
In some cases I think helping to even figure out the dream is a bit part of what we do, right Janet?
There’s some great stuff here, especially the part about rephrasing questions so we really understand the implications of our decisions. Thank you!
Usually our choices are more about ‘pain now’ or ‘pain later’ than they are ‘pain now’ or ‘fun now.’
I find sometimes I feel overwhelmed with things I wish to accomplish and therefore never get any of them done. I need to focus on one at a time and sometimes I need help doing that.
Dianne
Me too, Dianne! We all get overwhelmed, and having someone else come help is often the best way forward. 🙂
Fabulous post, Seana. 👏🏽 I love that you connect wishing with achieving. We often throw wishes out before they have a chance to grow into something real and rewarding. Sure, some wishes might be unrealistic (for a variety of reasons) but if you let yourself sit with them for a bit, you will likely find a few that you can usher toward completion and fulfillment.
Plus, yummy, doable wishes can keep us curious and persistent in answering “What if I really could make that happen?” And we start experiencing the awesome sauce feelings well before we ultimately see it through. Super motivating. #winning
As for the ones that get removed from the “someday/maybe” list, at least we gave them their due. Even if they’re only on the list for a short time. They let us dream a little, tap into creative thinking, and get us smiling at their impossibility.
I could go on and on. But I’ll stop here and say thanks for sharing such an interesting post. 😊
I love all of these thoughts, Deb. You make me want to stir my creative pot and flesh out some more wishes!!