The holiday season is humming along. How are you doing? Are you feeling calm or stressed out? There are many “extras” during the month of December, and as great as they are, they can be draining. Even fun, special, and good things require some of our energy and time. Adding “to dos” to an already full list isn’t easy, just as the addition of extra physical objects into a space makes cleaning and moving around harder. There is no way around it: complexity adds stress to the holiday season. Fortunately, there is something we can do about it.
Over the past few years, I’ve been part of a monthly meetup to explore the minimalism movement. (It’s called Minimal Quest and is free and open to everyone, so if this interests you, I hope you will join us!) One theme that has consistently emerged is the benefit of simplification. As one of my clients and friends often says, “More is just more: more to clean, more to do, more to worry about, more to pay for, more to store, etc.” The natural implication of this truth is that we have the power to enhance our pleasure by removing unwanted and unneeded elements from our lives.
I know this isn’t easy.
In previous years, I’ve written a couple of posts to help if you are struggling with an abundance of stuff in your space around the holidays:
Furthermore, our time gets crunched as we often feel pressured to “do it all.” Everything from concerts to parties to traditions may be calling on our time. Especially for those with young children, it can be hard to find a happy balance between taking part in the festivities and wearing ourselves out. Similarly, people caring for the sick and elderly are already busy, and finding a window to squeeze in anything extra can feel more like a burden than a respite. Many in the work world are coming up against the end of the fiscal year and all of its associated demands. I know my daughter, who works in healthcare, says there is a rush of patients who come flooding in to take advantage of their insurance before the start of a new calendar year.
All of this leads me to say that I give you permission to say no to any activity or tradition that doesn’t enhance your season. Here are examples of some “strictly optional” activities that you may choose to decline:
- Getting a Photo with Santa
- Relocating the Elf on the Shelf
- Baking Cookies/Cooking Homemade Meals
- Hosting or Attending a Party
- Putting Up Any/All of Your Decorations
- Sending Holiday Cards
- Attending Special Events
- Finding the “Perfect Gift” for Everyone (more on gifts next week…)
- Getting a Live Christmas Tree
- Wrapping Every Gift
These are just a few… there may be many others! All of these can be wonderful, but if they are pushing you over the edge, they can be skipped, and perhaps revived another year.
Somehow, we have morphed what were originally joyful celebrations and exploded them into heavy loads. Well-intentioned as they may be, the various holiday activities can leave us on the verge of collapse, which isn’t festive at all.
Sometimes it is the simplest of activities – those requiring minimal time and preparation – that endure, such as:
- Lighting candles
- Eating traditional food.
- Putting on familiar music
- Reading or telling stories of faith.
- Hanging out with family in our pajamas.
- Watching snow fall.
Taking this idea one step further, I strongly encourage you to consider which of your “regular” tasks and commitments can be set aside this month. Take a careful look at your task list and postpone anything that isn’t urgent.
- Been wanting to paint the bedroom? It can wait.
- Trying to start a new exercise regime? Maybe put that off until January.
- Trying to cook healthy meals? Just focus on getting everyone fed for now. You can start in the new year.
- Normally send out a newsletter? Maybe you can skip a month.
- Tend to read magazines or listen to podcasts? Set those aside or pass this month.
The key is to acknowledge that you can’t keep doing everything you normally do… all those things that keep you busy from sunup to sundown… and then add a bunch of other activities into your schedule without there being a consequence. Simplify, simplify, simplify! Be brutal. Say no wherever you can, and only give your precious time to what matters most. You have the right to select complexity where you want it! Anything that gets in the way of you and your family enjoying the holiday season is a potential for the chopping block.
Admittedly, we can’t chop everything. There may be activities that cannot be removed, no matter how much we wish that they could. However, don’t underestimate the potential upside of reducing unwanted complexity. The removal of even one or two things might have a big impact.
* * *
What do your normally do that you might be able to set aside during this busy season?
Even though I don’t “do” holidays (Hanukkah activities are minimal when you’ve got a small family, in three different city, and no “child” younger than 57), I recognize what a buzz of activity this time of year can be. Because of a medical emergency in the week prior to Thanksgiving, I basically lost two weeks of my year and am trying to make it all up, on top of all my regular “stuff” in these few weeks before the holiday shuts everything down.
I find myself giving myself advice, similar to what you’re advising here, and to what I give my clients. You don’t have to do it all, or finish it all. Pick what resonates, what gives comfort and joy. Make life a salad bar and only take what you really want, and leave the weird pink jello mold behind! 😉 Complexity has its place and time, but it doesn’t have to be here and now.
Great points and examples, and now I want to eat latkes in my PJs.
I would love to eat latkes in my PJs with you! They are such a labor of love to make, but I adore them. 🙂
We’ve had a rough start to the season in my house. While I’ve been ok, my husband has had the flu, my parents have had COVID, and my daughter has been in the ER. While I’m happy to say everyone is on the mend, it has meant a great loss of time and even some of the joy of the season. We decided to just put up our artificial trees this year. Getting a fresh tree is fun when we have time and the weather is nice, but this year just wasn’t the year! Love that idea of making life a salad bar – perfect!
Hope YOU are feeling better now, Julie.
Oh, my, Seana, your family has been through the ringer this year. It’s a good thing you recognize the importance of simplifying the holidays — this is a good year for you guys do to the gentle version of the season.
And thanks. The vertigo is gone and everything else is improving.
This is great advice and an important reminder. Even if we’ve managed to get a handle on the rest of our life, the holidays can really throw us for a loop. Every December I ask myself why didn’t I book more time off work for all the stuff I need to do, but by the time it rolls around again I can’t think of why I need to do that. Eliminating the non-essentials helps me get through it!
As we’ve discussed, even writing blog posts can be set aside. Often, people are too busy to read them during the holiday season. It’s worth the effort to at least ask, “What can I set aside until January?”
It is so true that we are drawn to more and more complexity also often referred to as the “Pinterest“ or “Instagram“ effect. The holiday season makes us question what is enough? It’s best to sit down early in the season and be aware of how much time and energy you have and how these play into the joy of the season.
I so agree that the visuals on social media contribute to our feeling pressured not only to make our spaces look “right,” but also to be “having fun” like everyone else. This can be a lot of pressure! I often remind myself that what I see is simply a slice of another person’s life, and one that they are choosing to put forward. I think I’m wise enough now to understand that what I see on these platforms is not even always an accurate representation of another person’s true feelings and experiences. The goal for me is to pursue that joy that matters to me, and not let those FOMO emotions take over.
With my husband’s death in October, I am still spending time taking care of all that goes with that event and just adjusting to a new life.
Still the holidays are here, and I want to participate.
To simplify this season, I have basically done two things. First, I have reduced the amount of decorating and activities that I normally would do. And second, I have asked for and enjoyed help from others. For example, my son helped me put up my live Christmas tree and get the lights on it. A friend came over to visit and helped me put all the ornaments on the tree. Another friend visited and helped me decorate the shelf in the entry way. I love that these decorations are now in place for me to enjoy and even more that I had the lovely visitation at the same time
How wonderful that others came alongside and shared the seasons’ preparations for you. Doing this alone after such a significant loss is hard. This is a great reminder to me of the power of presence. I may not have the “right” words to say, or be able to do anything that feels significant, but simply showing up and sharing love is so powerful.
Wishing you joy in the midst of your loss this year, Jonda!
Your post feels like one giant hug. It’s full of compassion and practical suggestions for extending boundaries and kindness. We need this now. Thank you.
I’m so sorry to hear about all the medical things happening with your family. I’m glad everyone is on the mend, and I hope they feel 100% soon. I can imagine how this has added additional stress to the season. Thank you for modeling how you’ve taken your advice by simplifying the Christmas tree this year.
Like Julie, Chanukah doesn’t include elaborate decor or celebrations. My husband and I light the Menorah each night and sing a prayer, and that’s it. We don’t exchange gifts, at least not anymore. When our kids were little, we did more. However, more parties, invitations, and social things are going on than in other seasons. So that’s a place where I carefully choose because it can be too much. We will have a quiet New Year’s Eve (just the two of us.) After all of the parties and other celebrations, we said ‘yes’ to, I will enjoy welcoming 2025 in this more intimate way.
I have a tight deadline for a new project I’m working on. And unfortunately, it’s happening now through January. So, I’m not doing some other things because I recognize that I can’t do it all. Or at least I can’t do it all while staying sane.
Thank you for your wise and much-needed advice.
Such a great point, Linda, about how our extra obligations may differ. Some of us have incremental work deadlines, others have pressures from their holiday celebrations, and others may be facing grief, illness, or another type of personal struggle. The call to prioritize is always wise, but especially at this time of year!
Your quiet celebrations sound precious and special. I’ll be picturing you on New Year’s Eve! We keep it small as well… just a family celebration.
We are on similar pages this week, Seana.
I’m sorry to hear about all your family’s illnesses and hope everyone is on the mend. Taking it slowly and enjoying the familiar traditions is what I love about the holiday season.
There is time to start all the other things on our to-do lists (or wish lists) in January.
Agreed! Every year is different. I want to find joy each year, regardless of what is going on. That might mean making some choices to let go and walk away.
Oh, I definitely agree to keep it simple over the holidays. As I get older I have realized that even though I like to cook, doing it for a lot of people during the holidays is exhausting. I’ve started to order in or do a mix of catered and homemade foods. I also love a potluck.
Also, now that my kids are grown, a lot of the activities on your list have fallen by the wayside. We didn’t even have an Elf on the Shelf back in the day! Holidays are certainly a lot easier without little ones, but also not as magical.
I agree with all, Janet. I’m glad we came before the Elf on a Shelf! I also love a potluck. When I entertain, I almost always do it that way. I get to try some great foods and it lightens the load on me.
My kids are older too. I hear you on that “magic” factor.
I love the optional activities that people can skip. They are perfect. I love to keep things simple. Yesterday we watched a screaming child on Santa’s lap. The family was desperately trying to get a happy photo. I really felt for the scared child. Just not that important!
When you step back and think about it, the kids often have no idea who this guy is, and why they are supposed to go sit on his lap. I remember taking my girls when they were a touch older and wanted to go. We went at dinnertime to avoid the lines, and then would get something to eat at the mall afterwards. Now that was fun!
When my kids were young, we stood in line for a long time at Sears for a holiday photo. (No Santa though.) By the time it was our turn, middle child WOULD NOT get up there and pose. So pictures went out with Christmas cards of eldest and youngest children, with a little note about why middle child was missing!
Too funny!
Lovely post! I especially love the focus on “strictly optional” activities! I know it is so easy to try to squeeze too much in. Keep up the good work Seanna. 🙂
Thanks, Pam. So much that we think we “have to” do we really do not. Make those choices that will bring you a happy holiday!
Seana, your key point was so ON point: “Acknowledge that you can’t keep doing everything you normally do…and then add a bunch of other activities into your schedule without there being a consequence.” As seniors age (OK, I’m speaking for myself now), we may find ourselves needing to plan fewer activities in a day to begin with, not to mention during the holidays. So, it’s important that we adjust our thinking to match our physical capabilities. It can either feel liberating or discouraging, and that’s a choice too.
One of the biggest myths going is that we are somehow supposed to “do it all” at the holidays, all while looking and feeling great. This delusion is harmful to self esteem and to joy. Agree that at each age and stage we benefit by assessing where we are, what we can and want to do, and then moving forward in peace with our plan.
It’s great advice to look at things you do not need to do this holiday season. I agree. Over the years, as my kids have grown up and my husband doesn’t want to decorate, I have significantly reduced the number of holiday decorations around my house. It not only takes me about three hours to decorate the inside and outside of our home. =)
Wow, impressive! It’s funny how we cull down over time. I have started to do the same here.
“Complexity Adds Stress to the Holiday Season” highlights how the pressure of juggling numerous tasks—gift shopping, event planning, cooking, and meeting expectations—can turn the holidays into a source of stress rather than joy. Simplifying your approach, focusing on meaningful moments, and letting go of perfection can help alleviate the pressure. The holiday season is about connection, not complication, so embracing simplicity can bring back the true spirit of celebration and peace.
The holiday season should be a time of joy, but unnecessary complexity can add stress. Overpacked schedules, elaborate planning, and high expectations often take away from the festive spirit. Simplifying traditions, prioritizing meaningful moments, and focusing on what truly matters can help reduce stress and make the holidays more enjoyable.
The holiday season should be joyful, but too much planning, shopping, and commitments can create stress. Simplify by prioritizing what matters most, setting boundaries, and focusing on meaningful moments over perfection.
Absolutely — the holidays are meant to be joyful, but when things get overly complicated with packed schedules, elaborate plans, or unrealistic expectations, it can turn into a major source of stress. Simplifying traditions, setting boundaries, and focusing on what truly matters (like meaningful time with loved ones) can help ease the pressure. Sometimes, the best memories come from the simplest moments — a quiet evening with hot cocoa or a walk to see the lights.