Once again, the holiday season is upon us. The beginning of the season can be both fun and a bit nauseating. Some of us feel overwhelmed by all that there is to do. Others are dealing with complex emotions, trying simply to find a way through. For many, there is a feeling of pressure to “make” happy holiday memories. Part of what fuels these thoughts is our tendency to measure our lives against those we perceive to be around us. This is always a dangerous path to go down, as comparison is the thief of joy. It’s helpful to remember that the holiday season is not something you do “right” or “wrong.”
Admittedly, there are strategies and techniques that can ease the burden of extra tasks that may be a part of your holiday season. Over the years, I’ve written a number of posts to address these responsibilities, including:
- Help! The Holidays are Coming
- Holiday Organizing Tips
- A Smooth Christmas Morning
- Holiday Decorating Tips
- Holiday Time Savers to Save Your Season
- Handling Holiday Cards With Ease
- Staying Sane in December
If you are feeling overwhelmed or behind, I hope these will help.
At the same time, I want to remind you that there are many ways to celebrate the holidays. Traditions, food, gatherings, movies, music, greetings, gifts, services, quiet reflection, remembrance, and more and may be a part of your festivities. Additionally, not everyone celebrates during the month of December. It’s important to keep in mind that every year is unique. Some years will be smooth, while others will seem to fly off the rails. Some will be full of joy and laughter, while others may be clouded by pain or grief. This is normal, as life is more of a roller coaster than a merry-go-round.
Furthermore, the holidays should never be seen as a mega-checklist that needs to be completed. Each year, we have the choice to decide what we want to do and how we want to do it. It doesn’t matter, for example:
- what people on Instagram are doing
- how your neighbor has decorated
- what you did growing up
- what your mother-in-law says is the “right” way to do things
- what social media suggests is the “top gift”
- what your friends and/or family say about how you should be feeling or what you should be doing
No two lives are the same, and no two holiday seasons will be the same. There are an endless variety of wonderful and meaningful ways to move from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Eve, and this variety enriches the season.
Furthermore, no single person should ever feel like the “success” of a holiday is upon his or her shoulders. Many hands really do make light work. If there is too much on your plate, scrape some of it off, either onto someone else’s plate or into the trashcan. There’s always next year!
Whatever choices you make, once you’ve made them, move on. Don’t berate yourself all season long because you didn’t get the cards sent, didn’t find the perfect gift, don’t have the body you had hoped to have, haven’t found the perfect guy, or don’t have the perfect family. Our idealized ideas of how things should be can cloud our ability to celebrate all the wonder and goodness that is.
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The holiday season can be stressful, but it can also be special. I hope you will focus on whatever cheers your heart this year and let go of the rest.
What aspect of the holiday season are you looking forward to this year?
Oh, Seana! I love how beautifully and sensitively you addressed the pressure around the holiday season. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately and making adjustments.
For instance, this Thanksgiving, instead of making the pies, my daughter offered to. It was such a big help. I didn’t have to negotiate kitchen time or refrigerator space. And she’s such a great cook and baker that I also enjoyed eating the yummy pies she baked. I also chose NOT to get stressed. We had plenty of time to prepare for our guests, and our kiddos were a tremendous help. We couldn’t do this without them.
Traditions and holidays have changed over the years. It used to make me sad that things were different, but now I recognize it’s all part of life. Change allows me to reimagine, shift, and adjust how things go. When it comes to the holidays and this season, I’m OK with some of the changes we’ve made.
I wish you and your beautiful family a very happy and healthy holiday season and New Year!
What a gift to have a daughter who is a talented baker! It is so great to let people share their talents… it makes everyone feel a sense of contribution and participation!
This year we were traveling for Thanksgiving. I didn’t cook my traditional foods, but instead enjoyed those of another family. I noticed things shifting as my children got older. It’s important to be flexible, and to learn to enjoy the moment, regardless of whether the “same” things are happening each year.
I admit this is easier when you aren’t trying to sustain specific activities for little ones, but it can still be hard. I love my traditions! I’m learning, however, to cherish whichever ones fit into my current season, and to maybe look/care less about how others are celebrating. For those who struggle, turning off social media is one way to help this along!
So true. Preparations can take all the free time resulting in no time to enjoy special events or to reflect on the real meaning of Christmas. That misses the whole point. Thanks for the tips.
The list can be long. That’s okay, if you are still able to take care of yourself and enjoy the season. However, if it all feels like a weighty chore, as you say, that misses the whole point!
I love to practice the simplicity of the season. I cherish the time with my family. Because I know my priority is spending time together, it is joyful all the time together. We choose to focus on our simple traditions like holiday decor scavenger hunts or family cookie decorating. You are so “right” that your own traditions and priorities are what make the season special and “right.”
What a gift to have a family that you love being with!
Holiday decor scavenger hunts sound fun!!
Each of us needs to first articulate what our priorities are, and then live by them. What matters most to one person might differ from what matters most to another. When the house has little children, there may not be time for all the traditions, as we can be so busy running around making sure they don’t hurt themselves. When we are sick, we may not have the energy to put on a big shindig. One year at a time, right?
Doing the holidays “how you want” can certainly take the pressure off. In my house, we have started downsizing, so each holiday comes with some purging of decorations. I’m happy to say that I got the Christmas decor down to two boxes! It wasn’t too hard. We don’t decorate outside like we used to, just a wreath for the front door. And we don’t put out the “little kid” decorations anymore. If I ever have grandkids I’ll go buy the last thing.
Good for you doing the downsize of decorations. I haven’t gotten there yet, but have started to let a little go each year. Two boxes is very impressive. #goals
I don’t really struggle with this now, but it was much more challenging when I was younger.
You grow up with certain traditions. Then you get married and you have to find time to spend with both families and ways to merge your traditions, which aren’t going to be exactly the same. Then things shift again when you have children. And when there are stepparents involved, it gets even more complicated. You just can’t do it all. Many have discovered this the hard way!
I do think this can be a particular struggle for younger families, who are trying to figure out what to do for the holiday celebration. I know I drove myself a little crazy in the early years.
Seana, I love the way you describe scraping things off your plate and onto someone else’s or into the trashcan. A while back, our son invited us to spend Thanksgiving in Connecticut with him and his family. Our daughter-in-law went back and forth trying to decide if she and I should cook or if we should go to their club. She opted for the club and it was wonderful! Her father and her grandmother (94 years young) joined us. It was a relaxing atmosphere. There was a wide variety of foods from which to select so everyone (including our 3-year-old grandson) was happy. No one stressed over any of the cooking or cleaning up.
How wonderful for everyone to be able to gather and relax – no pressure to perform or create the perfect meal! As a CT resident, I heartily endorse this approach. Glad you had a good time. And impressive that the 3 year-old did so well in the restaurant. Those can be tough moments!
I love your comment, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I fell into this trap over the years, especially when we did not do something others did.
This year, we have reduced our traditions to one. When my daughter returns from med school, we will attend a Longwood Christmas evening lights event that we have attended since my children started college. It’s a fun time, and we take many photos and enjoy a nice dinner.
Is that at Longwood Gardens? I love their winter lights display – so much fun! The last time we went, unfortunately, it rained. But it was still pretty and a great time. A wonderful tradition!
Thank you for this timely blog. This year is unique to me because I have recently lost my husband. But Christmas has always been a special holiday for me, and I am still decorating my home – I am doing it for me. Christmas has changed for me so much over my lifetime and I plan on taking each one and celebrating it as it feels right for the now.
The year after a deep loss is hard. I’m so sorry. It will be different. Your decision to carry forth with some decorating and whatever makes the season for YOU is so wise. Each year, we do what feels best, with no pressure to recreate celebrations of the past. Hugs to you, Jonda!
Thank you for this kind reminder so beautifully written! I look forward to the lights and music, and for sure the time with my family. It is my favourite part of fall/winter!
I love the lights and music as well, Florena. In fact, I was just thinking this morning that I want to be sure to play the music because that really gets me in the spirit, and can be enjoyed even when I am working on other things!
I feel like this post should be handed to every post-college student around mid-November of the year after they graduate. Each year, as I read all of the holiday-themed organizing posts, I can’t imagine how overwhelming it must be for all of you who observe the holiday, have families, have company, and have all of these expectations thrust upon you.
I try to communicate to my overwhelmed clients exactly what you’ve said here so succinctly. As a single, apartment-dwelling, childless, Jewish person nobody expects any holiday behavioral performances from me, and thus I have none for myself beyond just trying to enjoy the twinkly season. My (small) family and I exchange small gifts, and none of us entertain. All of our celebrating is done at Thanksgiving, so I have smooth sailing (no cooking, no hubbub, no keeping up with the Kringle-Jones family). I hope everyone who read your post feels a sense of ease now to do what they enjoy and step away from obligations that don’t fulfill them. Great job.
It can be so much for some. For others, there may be a wishing that there were something to do. Each situation is different. I just want everyone to enjoy this season!