Have you ever heard the phrase, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?” I’ve always thought it was a helpful mantra, a reminder that it isn’t the duration of a relationship that dictates its value, but rather the impact that it has. Physical belongings are much the same. We don’t need to retain items forever in order for them to have significance. As it turns out, a reason, a season, or a lifetime isn’t just for relationships.
I got started thinking about this the other day. My husband’s office is relocating, and the contents of his office have (temporarily) ended up in our house. One item that he brought home was a mug with a photo of our daughter on the front. I had given this mug to him as a gift when our daughter was just a baby. It was rather stained with ink because he had been using it as a pen cup. In addition, the image on the mug was very faded and discolored.
My husband doesn’t like to get rid of anything, so his first instinct was to try to clean it… or, more accurately, to ask me to clean it. Knowing how hard it is to remove ink stains, and not wanting to fill my dishwasher with ink, I gently suggested that perhaps it was just time to pitch this mug. I pointed out that we had this exact photo stored digitally (in vibrant color), and that I felt rather confident that he wasn’t going to forget our daughter simply because this faded image wasn’t holding pens on his desk. He paused for a moment, looked again at the mug, and then agreed to say goodbye.
Stuff, in its many forms, enters our lives for a variety of reasons:
- To meet a specific, current or approaching need.
- To replace something that was lost, used up, or broken.
- As a gift or swag.
- For temporary stewarding (e.g., an item that gets left behind in the house by a guest).
- Via an impulse purchase.
- By mistake.
- Handed down by a family member.
Unfortunately, most of us are better at accumulating belongings than we are at circulating them out. The result can be a space that feels overwhelming and chaotic. Who needs that? When our physical possessions are doing more to detract from our quality of life than to enhance it, this is a sign that it is time to let go.
The question remains, how long do we/should we hold onto things? This is a big question, and the answer is very situationally dependent. Let’s consider a few examples from our three categories: reason, season, and lifetime.
Things we have for a reason:
- The hockey bag for the son who currently plays hockey.
- The Allen wrench that came with the shelves we ordered and need to be assembled.
- The gluten free ingredients we bought to use when Aunt Sarah, who cannot eat gluten, comes over next week.
- The paperwork we need to review and sign for a current assignment or issue.
- Our current phone and charging cord.
- The seeds we will be planting in the garden this year.
Things we keep for a season:
- Large serving platters for the family holiday gathering we host every year.
- The harness, coat, and supplies for the dog.
- Baby gear and maternity clothes.
- Our college child’s belongings that he/she brought home for the summer.
- Clothing that fits now and that we feel good wearing.
- Manuals for new and current appliances.
- Our current passport and driver’s license.
Things we hold onto for a lifetime:
- The hand-written note from grandma or a sweetheart.
- A beloved gift that our child made.
- Certain financial and legal documents, such as a will, trust documents, divorce papers, discharge papers, etc.
- Funeral ashes.
- Family heirlooms that we love.
- Wedding photo album.
As you can see, not all possessions warrant equal permanence! When decluttering with clients, I often suggest that we consider which category various items might fall into.
The question of reason is really a question of why: why do we have this item in the first place? Once we can identify an item’s original purpose, we can then clarify whether that need still exists. If not, we need to decide whether or not there is still a valid reason to continue allocating space for it. Momentum (aka “we’ve always had this”) alone is not sufficient.
The easiest things to shed are those that are clearly no longer relevant – the objects we acquired for a reason but don’t need to keep. Another way to think about this is anything we come across that is no longer used, needed, or loved. Yes, it can be hard to overcome the temptation to think, “but what if I need this I the future?” or “I bet I can figure out how to use this.” Still, there are often some low-hanging fruits that can be shed without any guilt or stress.
“For a season” items can be challenging because shedding them often requires that we admit that a phase of life has closed. Maybe we can’t participate in an activity we used to love. Perhaps we lack the strength, space, health, or motivation for endeavors we previously enjoyed. This can be sad. One helpful perspective is to acknowledge that holding on can sometimes make us feel worse, not better, about the situation. Additionally, items that met the need of a season that has now passed may be blocking up space that could be better used for the things we want and need to be accessing today.
In terms of decluttering difficulty, the hardest items are often the “lifetime” items – belongings that are either sentimental or hard to replace. I always suggest you tread lightly here, and not rush or pressure yourself to make hasty decisions. Nevertheless, simply because an item qualifies as “memorabilia” is not, in itself, sufficient justification for holding on. Keeping too much memorabilia is a real risk. This truth also applies to paperwork. Not all paperwork is equal: some should be kept, while lots can go.
Keeping what is most important is smart. Likewise, donating, selling, recycling or pitching what is not is also a wise move. Most people lack the space to keep everything that has a shred of sentimental value. Furthermore, even if we have limitless space, it would be a struggle to enjoy such a vast quantity of stuff.
If most of your sentimental items are stashed away in boxes that you never look at, you probably have too much. Keepsakes should be (at least periodically) reviewed and enjoyed. This can only be accomplished when we prioritize holding onto the most precious things, and then remove anything that distracts us from taking pleasure in them.
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To sum up, if you find decluttering difficult, as you go along, ask yourself, “Is this something I own for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?”
If the answer is reason, clarify if that reason still exists, and if not, whether it has morphed into meeting another current need. If not, let it go.
If the answer is season, be honest as to whether that season is current or has passed. Let go of items that served you in a season that is over.
If the answer is lifetime, prioritize to ensure that you keep a quantity that is sufficient, manageable, and meaningful.
November and early December are great times to do a bit of decluttering. [Click here for ideas on how to do this.] Effort you put forth now will make space for new items that might arrive during the holiday season, setting the stage for a fresh start in the new year.
Do you think considering objects in this way might help you let go?
Thank you for creating a new perspective on defining decluttering. I’m so glad to be able to share this with clients.
Lots of ways to frame the decluttering process. If one doesn’t “land,” we can try another!
Thank you for reminding me of the phrase “reason, season, or a lifetime.” I love how you applied the concept to our physical possessions. This is a valuable decision-making framework. It gives us a time-based context to question the item’s significance.
Recently, when redoing our guest room, I had the opportunity to review many things, including memorabilia, furniture, art, books, and more. Some things had overstayed their welcome but hadn’t been looked at in a while. Their season was over, and they were released. Other things will be kept longer. Will we keep them for a lifetime? I’m not sure, but for now, they’re staying.
Thanks for sharing the story about your guest room. What a fun project! You make an excellent point: in the moment, we may not know if an item is truly “for a lifetime.” We may, however, be able to say, “I’m not ready to let go yet.” In other words, the reason or season is still valid!
I’ve always liked that phrase, and love how you’ve applied it to our belongings. I can see that it will be easier to let go of certain things once we accept that they are no longer important in our lives.
I love the phrase too, and yet only recently began thinking about it as appropriate for belongings. In some cases, this framework really helps us make decisions!
I have never thought of things this way, Seana. What you have said here makes perfect sense. The examples you provided, I’m sure, will resonate with many people. In the past, I have asked clients to think about if they need, use, or love things to help with decluttering. I’m going to add reason, season, and lifetime to my questions. These questions add a different perspective which will be helpful.
It’s a bit of a different twist on those guidelines we all use, but I’ve started using it recently and found it helpful. I hope it works for your clients too, Diane!
Way to talk your husband out of his comfort zone! I know it’s hard. My husband is the same way. I like how to equate human relationships with thing relationships. This is a good lesson for those who attached a lot of emotions to items. Maybe if they look at items as things they had for a reason, but no longer use, they’ll be able to let go.
Such a good point, Janet. Some people struggle more than others with that connection to physical belongings. Objects can sometimes “feel” like relationships, so I thought this framework might be helpful in deciding how to proceed.
I love the idea of looking at the reasons we keep things – reason, season, lifetime. I am working with a client now who is having a very hard time letting go of his parents’ possessions. I believe part of this is a feeling of guilt. I am sharing this blog with him.
Thanks for sharing this, Jonda. That is so hard, dealing with the possessions from loved ones. The objects themselves can feel like the relationship, making it hard to let go, not feel guilty, etc. Hoping this brings some helpful perspective.
I enjoyed your post, Seana. I go through my keepsakes at least once every 3-4 years. These items are stored away mostly because if they don’t fit in my glass curio cabinet, they are not out. I am allergic to dust, so minimal stuff on surfaces is a must for better indoor air quality.
When I go through them, if I do not remember why I kept them, they get tossed or donated. Sometimes, I remember things but still do not want them. So, I take a photo of them and add them to my Favorite Things folder on my computer. This helps me clear up clutter and see all the items I let go of online. It works for me.
Loving that idea of a “favorite things” folder. This way you can always find those photos. If you don’t tag them, label them, or file them, they can get lost in a photo stream. I heard a presentation on Friday by the founder of Artifcts. This service enables users to add stories to the photos, which takes it even one step further!
Thank you for sharing. Lots of great tips In here!
Thanks, Florena!
Hi Seana,
I love this new phrase that applies to decluttering and to our possessions. I love how you have broken this down. It is really a great way to look at things and can help us to let go. I love your story about the mug and your husband was able to let it go. I actually have a mug with a pic of my granddaughter on it. Not sure if I could dispose of it at this time.
And each of us is different, and there is no pressure for anyone to let go of anything. Hopefully this lens just helps people think freshly about objects, and whether they are still adding sufficient value to warrant being kept!