At a recent meeting of Minimal Quest – the free, online monthly meetup about organizing and minimalism – one of the topics we discussed was what to do when too much stuff is coming in. Decluttering and organizing are wonderful, but if the flow of items into your space is intense, it can be hard to maintain order. This topic was addressed by fellow Minimal Quest co-host and professional organizer Susan Lovallo of Clutter Solutions LLC. I thought her ideas were very helpful, so I took notes so I could share information, along with a few ideas of my own.
First, when considering acquisition, it is helpful to acknowledge that things come into our lives through many channels:
- Purchases
- Gifts
- Inheritance
- Donations
- Free gifts
- Take-homes from school, church, activities, etc.
- Swag
It’s no wonder we find ourselves struggling to manage our belongings! I’ve noticed that busy families in particular are likely to experience the nearly daily appearance of new stuff. Of course, a lot of what comes in is beyond our control. You don’t want to tell your child not to bring him his/her latest creation, right? However, there are some items on which we can try to impose limitations. Let’s look at each category.
Purchases
The majority of our possessions are items we purchase. The good news is, purchases are also the category in which we have the greatest potential for improvement. If you struggle with buying more than you need and/or want, here are a few suggestions.
1. Change Your Words
Susan suggested we switch out the word “shopping” for the word “acquiring.” The words we use definitely influence the way we think about an activity, which in turn impacts our behavior. The word “shopping” generally has a positive connotation. It implies an activity that is fun, happy, and entertaining. “Let’s go shopping” is typically an invitation to a fun outing. Similarly, “shopping” online is relaxing and pleasurable. In contrast, if we use the word “acquire,” our perspective may change. I’ve never been invited to go “acquiring,” have you? That almost sounds like a chore. Gathering or acquiring is more utilitarian. Watching your vocabulary is free and easy, and it might periodically help to suppress the urge to bring in more than you need in the name of pleasure.
2. Focus Less on Feelings and More on Thinking
When we shop, we tend to make decisions based primarily on emotion. Any good merchandiser knows this, and stores are designed to tap into our emotions. For example, the milk we need is stacked simply, in a plain case, at the back of the grocery store, while the candy or chips we do not need are up front, often surrounded by beautiful and enticing displays. Retailers know that emotions are powerful, so they want us to suspend rational thinking and focus on what feels good. The better we feel, the more we are likely to buy.
The best way to overcome the emotional aspect of acquisition is to mindfully acquire with intention. Make a plan for what you will purchase. If you didn’t plan to buy it before you entered the store or called up the website, don’t buy it. Consider it this way: you probably would not allow a stranger who just showed up at your door to come into your house and take up residence. The same should apply for our things. Did you plan for their arrival? If not, think twice. Avoid spontaneous buying, no matter how appealing it may look in the moment.
3. Set a High Bar for New Purchases
One practical way to self-limit acquisition is by setting some strict criteria for what you will “allow yourself” to purchase. If others in your household tend to be the buyers, I suggest you work on creating these criteria together. We want everyone to agree in advance. For instance:
- Anything greater than $X must be agreed upon by all decision-makers.
- Clothing is limited to a certain number of items per season (e.g., one pair of new sneakers, two pairs of jeans, two sweaters, etc.).
- Household items will only be purchased if they are replacing something that has broken.
- Bulk supplies must be limited to those that can fit in existing storage locations.
These are just a few ideas. Consider which areas tend to be your weak spots, and work on setting criteria for these. If you struggle, you may want to establish a consequence for violating your own rules.
4. Ask Questions Before You Buy
Another tool that can be helpful is to make yourself answer a series of questions before you make a purchase, such as:
- Where EXACTLY will I put this item?
- What items will I get rid of to make space for this?
- When EXACTLY will I use this?
- Is this really necessary?
- Is this item a duplicate of something I already have?
- Is this worth the effort to take care of?
- What is this item’s life expectancy? Will it stick around or be a flash in the pan?
- Will this item become clutter? What is this item’s clutter potential?
- Am I being manipulated to buy this? (free gifts, free shipping, points, BOGO, cash back?)
- Have I put more in my cart (physically or online) than I planned?
Gifts
The giving and receiving of gifts is one way humans show love. It is also a way we show respect and gratitude. The intent is typically good. However, sometimes we find ourselves on the receiving end of a stream of gifts that overwhelms our space. I see this, for instance, around the holidays, when well-meaning relatives may get carried away, and when a child has a birthday party and receives 30 new gifts in one day.
While you cannot keep someone from giving you a gift, you can proactively let your wishes be known. For example, have a conversation with relatives well before the holiday season, or note “please, no gifts” on an invitation.
Inherited Items
This is a category of belongings with which I see many people struggle. A loved one passes away, and suddenly we have a basement full of their things. This tends to impact the “local relative,” the only one close enough to go pick up the belongings. Alternatively, you may be tasked with clearing out a loved one’s home, balancing the need to clear out with emotions about the deceased.
When it comes to inherited items, I suggest you seek out support from an objective third party. I often walk this road with clients as a professional organizer. A compassionate friend can also help. Sorting through memorabilia can be difficult to do alone. Additionally, if you are facing a large quantity, you may need guidance on what can/should be sold, donated, or disposed of. Focus on holding onto only those items that you can use and that carry a significant emotional payoff.
Donations
This group of items is a lot like gifts. Well-meaning people give you their unwanted items. I see this with children’s clothing, when a friend whose child is a bit older keeps dropping off bags. In many respects, this is both generous and environmentally friendly – a real win/win! However, periodically the pace of the donations comes in too fast, and the recipient lacks sufficient time to review and process what has come in, resulting in a pileup. Alternatively, the donations may contain only a small number of items that can be used, meaning the recipient now has to get the unwanted items passed onto someone else. When time is tight, this may not happen quickly, once again resulting in a pile-up.
My best advice on this topic is to be honest and specific with those who offer their items to you. For example, let them know that your daughter will only wear items that are a certain color or style. Or, let them know that you have a great need for dress shoes, but that you prefer to buy sneakers new to ensure good support. You might even just let them know that although you greatly appreciate their generosity, you are falling behind and unable to truly enjoy what they are sharing.
Free Gifts & Swag
Bringing home an item that is free is hard to resist. After all, you didn’t pay anything for it, so why not? The truth is, anything that you don’t use, need or love runs a high risk of becoming clutter. Often, these free items end up crowding drawers, cabinets, and shelves, ultimately making it hard to find the things we truly like.
As with items you purchase, ask yourself the questions above before sticking a free item in your bag.
Take-homes
These are largely the things that come home from school, church, temple, activities, clubs, etc. with children. We want to see and enjoy these items, but over time, they can build up.
The key to these items is circulation. When new pieces arrive, talk about them and move them to your display area. Older pieces then come out of the display zone and are either stored for future review (e.g., at year’s end), or recycled. Don’t allow items from two years ago to continue to soak up valuable space. And remember, sometimes the “fun is in the making.” Not every creation needs to be kept forever.
* * *
Sometimes the best way to fight your clutter is to keep it from entering in the first place.
What have you found helping in “stemming the flow” into your space?
There is a love/hate relationship with purchases. We love the thought but at times we hate that we don’t have a place for the stuff. Combine that with the ease of purchasing and the difficulty (even though Amazon has made this easier) of returns. What resonates most with me on your post is setting a high bar for purchases for this reason.
For those who struggle in this area, it might take a bit of trial and error to figure out which trigger needs most attention. So true about it being easier to purchase than return!
These are so good! I love the shopping vs acquiring reference. One of the things I like to say is to think about what comes into your home without your permission. A lot can come in without us really thinking about it and before you know it your clear areas are cluttered again.
So much can come in, right Kim? Either mindlessly or even without our actual knowledge. Circulation of items out is necessary, but limiting what comes in lightens that job.
My daughter-in-law was on the receiving end of clothes for her son when he was born. As it happened, I was visiting them in Seattle as the flood of clothes and toys arrived. It was a struggle to find places to put all these things. She and I worked it out and then talked about what to do when the next delivery arrived. She decided to do as you suggested and made a specific list of things she was willing to receive. This helped stem the influx of donations from the well-intentioned friend.
Friends can be so generous in this regard, but it can definitely become a burden. I’ve been in many homes where this is happening. You hate to say no, and you may really benefit from the items, but if you cannot process them, the kind gesture can cause more problems than it is solving!
I especially love ” Bulk supplies must be limited to those that can fit in existing storage locations.” I have clients who want to buy in bulk either to save money or because they are afraid that they won’t be able to find it in the future. I always remind them to know where the incoming items are going to be stored before buying them.
I also remind them that everything we buy will eventually end up in a landfill – even if we donate it. Many of my clients do not want that to happen so they think more about buying impulsively.
I love that perspective, Jonda. It isn’t just about us not putting things in a landfill, but to think about the life of the object, realizing it is likely to eventually go there. This is when I push the envelope for myself a bit more on reducing and reusing. One nice water bottle works perfectly well. I limit the disposables to times when I absolutely can’t bring my own.
Great ideas to stop bringing in new stuff. The questions before you buy are great! I like to ask myself where exactly I will put this item. My husband and I have a limit of $100.00. We have a meeting if we want to buy something over $100.00. Also, keeping the incoming clutter at bay is easier when you have a smaller home like ours.
Sometimes having a smaller house can serve us well in this regard, right Sabrina? I love that you and your husband have agreed on a financial cap for individual spending. I think this not only builds relationship and trust, but it also helps us avoid spontaneous purchasing. Terrific!
I love this group you participate in each month. And what a great topic about all the “stuff” that enters our homes. Naming the sources is great. But I also love how you took it further with specific ideas for how to handle each category.
One of the things that stood out was reframing “shopping” to “acquiring.” It’s an excellent way to put a different lens on an activity. I see the potential for less shopping when you change your perspective.
The list of questions to ask before you buy is also terrific. Instead of being swept up in the emotion of purchasing, which, as you said, marketers have our number, we can be more intentional about what we’re about to do.
I think the online shopping is particularly seductive. It seems free and easy from the comfort of your couch. Once again, mindfulness can help us make better decisions!
You make such excellent points, particularly in regard to acquisition by
purchase, which I suspect all 21st-century people do with less
intentionality than we should. In addition to all of the things that “come
into our lives,” I’d like to flag the things that are already (somewhat)
in our lives, but then they have to change location, causing us to feel
like we’ve acquired too much all at once.
An example from my own life? In August, my car was stolen, and the thief
dumped all of my glove compartment items (mostly paperwork) onto the
ground at a church, just prior to a tornado. I was able to get access to
my things, which were damp and muddy and driven-over, and then had to
parse them, figure out what to keep, and house them for an unclear period
of time. When the car was recovered but undrive-able, I took possession of
the work- and life-related items from the car’s interior and hatchback,
and had to find space for those items, too. The temptation to just “dump”
it and not think about it until my car *finally* came back to me, two
months later, was immense, and I’m a professional! I had to practice
exactly what you describe, changing my terminology, and especially
reorienting myself from the feelings surrounding the trauma of the theft
to thinking about how to deal with the items while they were in transition
rather than cursing or ignoring them. In many ways, this is quite like
“inheriting” items, though you are inheriting them from a different
“venue” of yourself.
So it’s easy to see how this, like all of your other examples, can make it
hard to deal with all of the acquisition/reacquisition, which we sometimes
don’t even intend to make!
Powerful example, Julie! Certainly not an acquisition you ever wanted! This shows yet another way that items enter our space, aside from intentionally purchasing them. So often those types of things end up in a jumble, under a pile of something else.
I’m so thankful that you stayed strong, got things figured out, and eventually finished processing all of that. What a tough experience. Sometimes the source of our stuff is a “life event,” and when that is the case, because we are emotionally off kilter, we often lack the energy to deal with the stuff.
I am guilty of the free item trap. I always take it and then put it aside until I can find a use for it which never happens. Frequently I end up donating it but not until it has occupied space for too long. I have enough tote bags to open a business. They are lovely and I use tote bags a lot but I don’t need 15 of them. The “acquiring” term is a great idea because it helps me realize that an item needs a storage place and use to make it worth buying. I’m going to start taking this approach.
Tote bags actually make a wonderful donation. Charities are often looking for bags that recipients can use to take their items home. In some states, plastic bags are no longer allowed, making these bags extra valuable!
It’s so interesting – isn’t it? I remember when the older kids were little and we had no money and got a lot of gifts/donations/event crap and I would hold onto EVERYTHING for fear of losing it all. With six grandparents and four kids, we can cut down on shopping dramatically and still not have total control over what comes in. It’s just fascinating! I think focusing less on feelings and more on thinking is groundbreaking.
Switching out thinking for feeling can be helpful in so many realms.
I kept everything too in the beginning… I don’t anymore 🙂
Oooh… I like the thought of changing the wording from purchasing to acquiring. It puts the focus on the space that it will inhabit. And I completely agree that children can be multipliers of “stuff!” The little guys seem to bring backpacks full of new things daily! It’s incredible! But, being intentional and having a plan of action can really help to combat many of these scenarios. I have rethought my approach to things like “goody bags” or holiday gifts. Consumable items are sometimes better for people who may already have enough. Thank you so much for your article. I enjoyed it as usual. 🙂
I’ve moved to a lot of consummables in gift giving. I enjoy receiving those, and I think they are especially great for older friends and family… those who don’t need much. Soap, coffee, muffins, cheese, chocolate, and things like these are great gifts.
Great advise on all your points. Using “acquire” I never thought of it. I always think, do I need it or do I want it? the deals and sales that the stores offers these days makes it hard to resist. But we have to think about the space, the spending, and what are we going to do with it.
And when it comes to inheriting, that’s a really tough one. Some clients have rooms full of items they don’t know what to do with it.
Great article Seana.
The inheritance one is so hard. Letting go of inherited pieces can produce a lot of guilt, and yet, few people can accommodate an entire house’s worth of furniture into an existing home!