If you have teenagers, you know that managing their laundry can be a complicated issue. Typically, taking care of clothing isn’t high on a teen’s priority list. Fortunately, there are some strategies that can smooth the process for both parents and teens. Here are some tips for managing teens and their laundry.
The Teen Laundry Dilemma
Teenagers are busy people. They spend most of their time at school, often juggle multiple activities and commitments, and face rapid changes in their bodies and hormones. Unsurprisingly, taking care of their laundry is usually not very high on their priority list.
At the same time, teenagers often generate a lot of laundry. On any given week, they may need:
- School uniforms
- Sports clothing
- Dance/performance clothing
- Gym clothes
- Pajamas
- Daily-wear clothes
- Clothing for work
- “Nice” clothes (e.g., for church, the club, etc.)
- Formal clothing for special events
Depending on what activities your teenagers participate in, they may change clothes multiple times a day. Further complicating matters, they may change clothes in various locations, including at home, school, a sports facility, or a friend’s house.
Keeping track of their clothes can be a challenge!
Even within the home, managing a teen’s laundry can feel overwhelming as you navigate questions such as:
- Where are the clothes?
- What is clean, and what is dirty?
- When will a certain item next be needed?
- Do any items require special attention or treatment?
Lastly, although your teens may seem disinterested in laundry in general, they can become demanding or impatient when they want a certain garment, leading to friction in the household.
Laundry is an Adulting Skill
While I readily admit that teens are busy, managing the clothing we wear is nevertheless a significant part of adult life. Throughout history, keeping a family in clean clothes has been a major chore. Managing laundry is a core “adulting” task, and one that everyone needs to learn how to do. We may vary in how we approach the task, but everyone wears and soils clothing, so everyone should know how to clean it and put it away.
The good news is that doing laundry today is easier than it has ever been. We no longer have to heat water, haul it to a tub, rub garments against a washboard, put them through a ringer, or hang everything on a line to dry. Also, many garments are now “wash and wear,” which lightens the ironing burden that previous generations spent significant time managing.
The bad news is that laundry is something of a Sisyphean task. As soon as we fold and put away the last article of clean clothing, a new dirty one takes its place. Laundry is, indeed, a never-ending task.
How to Manage Teens and Their Laundry
Like most household tasks, the secret to easing the teen laundry dilemma is to develop a system. Ideally, this should be a mutually agreed-upon approach that establishes how each stage of the laundry process will be managed.
Remember, laundry isn’t one task, but many tasks:
- Collecting dirty garments. Where will dirty clothing go?
- Moving garments to the laundry area. Who will carry dirty clothing to the laundry room? When should this happen? Where should the clothes be placed until they go through the machine?
- Washing the clothes. Should clothing be sorted in any way? How will stains be pretreated? Do certain loads require extra soaking or delicate treatment?
- Drying the clothes. Are there any clothes that should not go into the dryer? Where and how should they be dried?
- Folding the clothes. Where and when will loads be folded? Are there any clothes that don’t need to be folded?
- Putting clean clothing away. Who is responsible for carrying clothes from the laundry area to their storage locations? Whose job is it to put them away? Where should various types of clothing be stored?
It is helpful to establish a routine for all of these stages. Knowing exactly what is expected, as well as what the consequences will be for not following through, helps encourage teens to cooperate.
#1 MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS
While there may be a few tidy teens who meticulously fold and put away their clothes, they are definitely in the minority. Maintaining a tidy room and putting clothing away simply aren’t top priorities for most teens. Furthermore, teenagers are in the process of becoming independent and don’t want Mom or Dad coming into their rooms and telling them how things should look. Parental efforts to “fix” a teen’s space will likely result in both parties being unhappy.
#2 SET BOUNDARIES YOU BOTH CAN LIVE WITH
While parents probably shouldn’t expect their kids to care about putting clothes away, there has to be some common ground that both parents and teens can live with. This will differ from family to family and needs to be negotiated.
Some examples of options to consider include:
- Deciding exactly where a teen can dump clothes (e.g., keeping them on their side of the room).
- Agreeing on how frequently clothing needs to be addressed (e.g., every Sunday).
- Designating zones for “offensive” clothing (e.g., sports uniforms must go directly into a dedicated hamper in the laundry room or a bin in the garage).
- Ensuring that walkways remain clear and safe (i.e., there must be a clear path from the teen’s bed to the door in case of an emergency).
#3 PROVIDE EASILY ACCESSIBLE STORAGE
Even though a teen won’t necessarily put clothes away daily, it helps to have sufficient storage so that doing so is possible. If closets and drawers cannot accommodate all of their clothing, teenagers will be discouraged from even trying to put items away.
Decluttering can go a long way toward easing clothing congestion. Closet organizers, drawer inserts, hooks, and under-the-bed storage can also help make the most of the space you have.
Also, make clothing storage as easy as possible. For example, teens are more likely to hang a hoodie on a hook than on a hanger. The simpler a solution is to use, the more likely they are to use it. If your teen resists putting things into closets or drawers, open cubbies are another option.
Two other containers are likely to prove helpful:
1. A hamper.
I find that pop-up hampers are easy to move around and carry. Some families give kids two hampers: one for clean clothes and one for dirty ones.
2. A donation bin.
Few people enjoy trying on everything in their closets to decide what fits and what doesn’t. Instead, most people tend to pull out a garment and decide on the spot whether they want to wear it. Maybe they try it on and discover it’s too small, it has a missing button, or they simply no longer want to wear it.
Whatever the reason, it helps to have a handy bin nearby where teens can place these items in real time. Think of this as a permanent “donation location.” It can be any bin or box that lives in a predictable place, such as on the floor of the closet, in an extra cubby in the mudroom, or on a shelf in the garage.
#4 AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO STEP IN
Sometimes parents get so frustrated with a teen’s space that they are tempted to go in and clean it all up. Unfortunately, this typically backfires.
In some cases, the room quickly becomes messy again because the teen wasn’t invested in the process. Other times, the teen gets angry because they feel their privacy has been violated. Periodically, important items go missing, which makes everyone miserable.
Instead, give teens the freedom to experience the natural consequences of how they care for their clothes. If an important piece of clothing gets damaged because it wasn’t cared for properly, don’t rush to replace it. If a needed piece of clothing is dirty because the teen failed to put it through the laundry system, don’t rush to wash it at the last minute.
I acknowledge that this is easier said than done. However, natural consequences can be very effective motivators for ensuring that all family members “stick with the system.”
#5 HAND OFF THE LAUNDRY TASK
Of course, one of the easiest ways to avoid laundry-related frustration is to stop making it your job in the first place!
Often, parents feel frustrated because the clothing they have just washed and folded (and perhaps even ironed) ends up in a heap on the floor. It feels disrespectful and unappreciated. However, chances are that teens aren’t intending it that way. They simply got busy, distracted, or stressed and failed to pay attention.
By handing off this chore, you eliminate the parent’s feeling of being unappreciated, as well as the teen’s frustration over not having a particular item when they need it. Additionally, doing laundry is an important life skill, one that is most easily learned at home, where a teen can ask questions.
Bear in mind that this doesn’t have to be an “all or nothing” situation. Parents may wish to gradually hand off the responsibility as teens become more capable. For instance, maybe Mom does everything but the folding for the first month, and then slowly hands off more of the process to the teen.
* * *
Laundry, whether for children, teens, or adults, can feel like an onerous task. A bit of planning and communication can go a long way toward avoiding hurt feelings and frustration.
If all else fails, remember that this is a temporary issue, and one that most teens grow out of.
What solutions have worked in your house?
My girls are still not he younger side, but trust me they still fight over clothes being only 16 months apart and almost the same size. And I do very much remember my own teenage years, so totally know I am in for it, but some great tips and seriously thank you for sharing, because I know I am going to need these soon enough around here 🙂
I didn’t even talk about the issue of close siblings and the sharing of clothes. That’s another post to think about, Janine:)
Great advice and I am going to share it with my husband. Our daughter’s room is a disaster…and everything is exactly as you described! Maybe we need to rethink what we’re willing to live with, instead of fighting a losing battle all the time!
I try to reframe it as a temporary situation rather than a battle. Most teenagers go through this, and then find their own way out of it… although it might not be until college. Something to think about anyway.
My kids are one and four and it’s bad! I think sometimes even I’m guilty of doing this, and my husband.
We need to work on a family plan.
It only gets worse, so good luck! Usually the little ones are more teachable, and then they return to good habits as adults….
Oh, the laundry… a never ending project. I really need to get a better system in place, but for now I’m just keeping us in clean clothes and if they don’t get into drawers, well, sometimes they don’t.
Exactly. It doesn’t matter so much if they get put away. I think you are reflecting great wisdom here. Its all about priorities and flexing with the age and stage of the family members. (It truly is never-ending!)
oh this so scares me…terrified of Dino as a teen, LOL…I hope I am teaching him right now, but his room with all this toys all over…it’s an everyday battle.
Keep reminding yourself: its only clothes…. its only stuff. And remember, the less you have, the smaller the mess:)
I feel like marching up to my middle kid’s room and taking a picture of how her room looks–whew! It is MESSY! But, she’s 3rd in her class for her junior year, high SAT scores, captain of her track team, going to Georgetown this summer for a program–she does it all and she does it well. Except for her room. Which no one sees except for herself. I figure we can shut the door to that, but every once in awhile I ask her (2x a year?) to clean it up. As long as she pitches in in the common areas and for her regular chores, I am okay with that.
I think she must so appreciate that you don’t nag her about this. They really don’t have enough time to be as successful as your daughter and keep the room neat as a pin — unless it really matters to them and they do this to relieve stress or whatever. I’m all about closing the door! (I think this post is scaring parents of little ones!!)
We found that once our girls got to a certain age (they are now 18 and 20), we let them keep their room as they wanted. HOWEVER…. we would not be part of their chaos. Can’t find your homework? Don’t have clean clothes? The shirt you need for your presentation is wrinkly? Not our problem. The chaos got out of control for a while, but then something clicked and they found a more reasonable brand of chaos. Not what I would want/design, but it was manageable and I learned to not fret about it. (That last part took a while and MUCH concerted effort.)
I think there is a lot of wisdom here, Kerith. Not swooping in to rescue them when they misplace something is critical if they are to perceive the value in putting things away. I think most parents go through this, but somehow we think we’ve failed.. which is not the case. It is primarily a phase.. and they eventually find their way. Thanks for the comment!
Oh Seana, what an apt post. I have been having this conversation with my 20 year old step daughter since she moved in with us in January. She shares my office as part of her bedroom. My rules are the floor has to be clean so I don’t trip on anything on the way to my desk. The bed has to be somewhat made. I do laundry, fold, it goes in every ones basket, the clothes get put away by them, basket comes back with dirty laundry. Laundry gets washed the way it ends up in the laundry pile. I don’t turn sleeves the right way out, I don’t unfurl socks and I don’t empty pockets. They have to start to learn somewhere. Great post.
I’m totally with you on doing laundry as it appears. I stopped turning socks right side out a long time ago. If the wearer (husband included) can’t turn turn the sock the right way, I figure it will be right every other time he/she wears it!
Ha! Were you living in our house when my girls were teens? Arghhh!
We finally gave up the battle, especially with our youngest fashion-adoring daughter. We agreed to ignore the clothes on their floor, etc, and they would be responsible for their laundry. They also needed to keep it neat enough to be safe, as you note in your tips, too.
What a blessing that decision was! It removed all of the stress from the situation. Both girls are now neater, thank goodness. 🙂
It’s only been through working with many families that I’ve realized this situation is both 1. Common and 2. Not worth fighting over. And I think most of the young people, when they get older, find their way through this and become neater. And if they struggle as adults, I believe it is an issue that would not have resolved by more nagging from Mom anyway… more of a executive functioning challenge. So thankful for the ability to close a door and worry about more important things:)
I need to remember these when my girls are a little older! Livvy at the age of 3 loves ‘trying on clothes’ and making a big mess, I do make her help me pick them up and put them back where they blog… Not looking forward to the teenage messiness! I was bad when I was a teen so I can only imagine what they will be like!
For the vast majority, the teenage habits are just a phase. Working with children while they are little is very important because teens will likely return to the standard they were reared with when they were small. It’s just an interim phase where too many things are hitting at once, and not something worth creating great family strife over.
Wow these are such great points. I can see how they would have applied when I was younger growing up here in America for sure. My son hasn’t reached these years just yet so I’m just taking notes 🙂
Yes, funny when we look back and see ourselves at previous stages of life. You have time, Brittnei!
Oh gosh, where was this post years ago when I needed it??? My then-teen daughter drove me NUTS with the amount of laundry on her floor. She actually told me she hated using drawers—that it was easier to get dressed in the morning if her clothes were spread out all over the floor so she could see them! When girlfriends came over, she just dumped it all on her closet floor to hide it. I’m happy to say though that now that she is an adult, she keeps a perfectly clean home—clean laundry neatly folded in the drawers! Great read!
So funny how it can be such a source of grief for families, and then the teens move on and become perfectly neat!!! I can so relate to your story:) That’s why I’ve decided it just isn’t worth fighting over. Close the door. Worry about more important stuff… just don’t rescue them if they can’t find something or it needs ironing.
This was an area that I decided to “pick my battle” on. As long as there is no food in their room, I can see the floor, and all dirty clothes make it to the laundry, I’ve let the rest go for now. Now they’re actually keeping their rooms neater without me harping on them…go figure!
I pretty much got to the same place myself, and I laugh at the result of your technique. I guess when there isn’t anything to push back against except themselves, it changes the argument. Hey, whatever works, right?
When I was a teenager, I used to throw all the dirty clothes on the floor so that my mom would later pick them up and wash for me. Problem solved!