How to Keep Your Phone from Taking Over Your Life

Achieving digital life balance has become a hot topic of conversation in the 21^st century. We struggle to achieve a healthy relationship with our screens. On the one hand, we need them. On the other, they are a distraction and a time waster. Today, the average American spends about 7 hours each day on a screen. Furthermore, the requirement to be “on call” all day and night has become a burden. Do you ever wonder how to keep your phone from taking over your life?

The Screen Addiction Challenge

I admit that this is a big topic, and not one that I can resolve in a blog post. Nevertheless, I believe it is worth discussing. Experts are seeing a variety negative impacts from extended screen use, including obesity, metabolic issues, poor sleep quality, eye strain, anxiety, depression, and greater distractibility. Given the proliferation of screens into both professional and personal lives, completely eliminating screen time isn’t realistic. Instead, the question is how to make our screens work for us and not the other way around.

The first step in any challenge is acknowledging and defining the problem. Let me be clear: I am not laying blame on people who spend large chunks of time on screens. I know many are required to do so for work, school, or caregiving. Plus, digital algorithms have been designed to keep us engaged.  Our brains have become habituated to high-intensity dopamine stimulation, rendering normal, slower-paced activities less attractive.

Some may read this and think, “I use my phone, but it really isn’t a problem.” I hope this is the case! If you aren’t sure, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do I check my phone within 5 minutes of waking?
2. Is my phone in bed with me?
3. Do I check my phone in the middle of face-to-face conversations?
4. Do I feel anxious when separated from my phone?
5. Do I lose track of time when I’m looking at my phone?
6. Does checking my phone cause me to be late?
7. Can I comfortably spend 2+ hours without touching a screen?

If a couple of these ring true, your phone may be taking over your life more than you realize.

Reclaiming Your Life

As dependent as we are on our phones, we should expect to experience “withdrawal” as we try to keep them (and other screens) from dominating our lives. Again, digital life is not the enemy. This isn’t about simply trying to minimize screen use for its own sake. The goal is to reduce mindless, reactive, and compulsive digital activity that intrudes on our time and keeps us from pursuing our priorities.

If we truly want to change our relationship with screens, it will be necessary to accept some measure of discomfort. This is ok, and not to be avoided. Many worthwhile things are difficult. We need to resist allowing our emotions to dethrone our priorities.

Also, before you begin, you may want to take note of your current phone time. You can navigate to Settings > Screen Time on iOS devices or Settings > Digital Wellbeing & parental controls on Android. Knowing where we are “before” always makes us feel better about the “after.”

Screen-Limiting Strategies

While no single solution will work for everyone, here are some ideas that might help.

Silence notifications.

This is probably one of the most impactful things you can do to limit phones from disrupting your life. Silence 80–90% of push notifications, keeping only:

• Alarms (reminders for important action)
• Calendar reminders
• Messages/calls from key people (e.g., your partner, child, school, etc.)

Try turning everything else off (email, social apps, news, likes, group chats, etc.) This single change could reduce compulsive phone checks by as much as 40-60% for many people.

Reclaim physical spaces that used to be “digital-free.”

The portability of phones has meant that we carry them with us everywhere we go, even into spaces where we honestly don’t need them. The bathroom is a classic example. Taking the phone to the bathroom has become a habit for many. While I understand that phones provide some entertainment, they truly are not necessary in this space. Some might even argue that the moist air and various water hazards are additional reasons why phones and bathrooms don’t mix.

Another possible room to reclaim is the bedroom. Your bedroom should be a restful, clutter-free sanctuary. When you enter, you should be as “off duty” as possible. If you are used to having your phone in your bedroom, you might need to make a few changes.

• Buy an alarm clock if you need one.
• Return to reading paper books (or at least an e-reader without internet).
• Use your landline (if you are old like me and still have one).
• If you must have the phone in your bedroom, consider placing it across the room from your bed to keep yourself from quickly grabbing it in the middle of the night.

Your brain will adjust to having “screen-free” spaces, and perhaps even coming to look forward to entering those spaces

Minimize the intrusion in social situations.

For many tasks, focus on a screen is necessary and productive. For others, the presence of a screen is a distraction.

Think of the dinner table. I remember when people first started bringing phones to the table. It felt, and to me still feels, impolite. Plus, when someone looks down at a phone when I am in the middle of talking, I feel insulted and disregarded.

I have to admit that I don’t think the younger generations consciously feel the same way. They’ve grown up with phones at the table and think it’s just normal to look at a phone. However, failing to take offense doesn’t mean that this habit is beneficial to human relationships. Research increasingly suggests that phones may undermine the benefits we derive from interacting with those across the table.

The most effective way to keep the phone from interrupting a social interaction is by not having it nearby. If this feels too extreme, try putting it out of sight or at least face down.

Set a “digital curfew.”

Designate times when you will stop using your phone, such as after 9 p.m. Of course, if you are on call for work or a teenager out at a party, this may be difficult. Still, consider what your ideal would be and do your best. Even considering this idea is a place to start.

The same concept applies to the morning. Looking at your phone upon waking jolts the brain into action, demanding we react to any number of stimuli when we aren’t even fully awake. Ideally, you want to give your brain at least 30 minutes to become alert. The longer you can delay focusing on a screen, the better. Again, this must be managed on a person-by-person basis, but the benefits are so significant that it is worth giving it a try.

During your designated “asleep time,” make your phone less accessible by plugging it in far away from you. Also, set the “do not disturb” mode to come on automatically.

Make the phone less appealing.

Part of the draw of phones is that they are interesting, colorful, fun, always changing, and require little effort on our part to engage. If you have trouble not reaching for your phone every time you are bored, try to make the whole experience less fun. For instance:

• Turn on grayscale mode.
• Remove social apps from your home screen and bury them in a folder so you have to click and/or swipe multiple times to access them.
• Turn on app limits/focus modes that actually lock you out after a predetermined amount of time expires.
• Avoid doomscroll apps. These are apps with a “never-ending bottom,” which keep refreshing and engaging you (e.g., social media, news, games, etc.)

Set aside deep attention blocks.

One of the impacts of heavy screen use is a shortened attention span. We want to sit and focus on something but struggle to do so. This is particularly true for people with ADHD, but truly all of us are finding this more and more difficult. One way to strengthen the “focus muscle” is by carving out blocks of time where we don’t allow our brains to divert to digital stimuli. This can be done by:

• Using an approach like the Pomodoro Technique, where you focus for a set period of time (e.g., 10 minutes) and then allow yourself a break to check your phone (e.g., for 5 minutes).
• If you are able, stretch the length of these focused/non-phone periods. Maybe you start with 10 minutes and work up to 30 minutes.
• If you need to work on a digital device, try using a different browser than the one you usually do so you can’t easily click over to sites that distract you.
• Use analog alternatives when possible. I know this is getting harder, but even printing a document that you can take to a chair and read may make you better able to focus.
• Pursue some activity each day that doesn’t involve your phone. This might be taking a walk, cooking, journaling, pursuing a hobby, playing with the kids, eating, etc. A good goal is 1-2 hours over the course of the day. Remember, digital overuse often fills boredom/anxiety voids. The richer your non-digital life, the easier it will be to put your phone down.

Adopt single screening.

One of the more recent habits we’ve fallen into is using multiple screens at once. When we face multiple screens, we require our brains to perpetually toggle from one to another, which is the equivalent of lifting heavy weights. Admittedly, for some working and gaming situations having multiple screens is necessary and productive. If this works for you, by all means, go for it.

At the same time, if you have fallen into the habit of looking at your phone while also watching TV or looking at your laptop, it’s worth asking if this is hurting or helping you. Just because you can do it doesn’t mean it is healthy.

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Digital balance isn’t about hating technology; it’s about owning your attention again, so the hours of your life feel like yours. Start small, be patient with slip-ups, and protect the non-negotiable pockets of offline time

Do you sometimes feel like your phone is taking over your life? How do you limit your phone use?