The holiday season is about to reach its zenith. Some of you may be crazed with lists and responsibilities over the past couple of weeks, while others may be moving through the days with relative calm and quiet. Regardless, when a big event arrives, our expectations for how things should go can crash into reality. Anticipation can be so much fun, but expectations – when unmet – can leave us feeling bitter. The best way to derail potential disappointment around the holidays is to decide in advance to release what might be imperfect and instead to dwell on what makes you joyful.
Many years back I remember watching a clip of Jerry Seinfeld talking about how women are often self-conscious about some aspect of their bodies. Most women, he felt, were unhappy with at least one aspect of their appearance. Jerry went on to explain that he felt differently about the matter. Rather than focus on what might be lacking in a woman’s appearance, he chose to concentrate on whatever part of a woman’s body he found appealing. Don’t quote me, because this is strictly from my often-flawed memory, but my recollection is that he said something like “Nice eyes, wow! Nice hair, how wonderful!” In other words, by focusing on what he liked, he thought every woman was attractive.
How we experience a holiday, or any experience in life, often comes down to how we choose to think about it. Do we have an idealized dream in mind of how things go? For instance:
- Do we picture a Norman Rockwell gathering?
- Are we expecting the children to respond to their gifts with joy and gratitude?
- Do we anticipate that all gathered family members will get along well?
- Are we hoping to receive a specific gift?
- Do we envision the food we prepare coming out looking a certain way?
- Do we expect everyone to be healthy and happy?
- Do we anticipate that everyone will enjoy the holiday traditions?
When we set high expectations, we are likely setting ourselves up for disappointment. If some aspect of our vision doesn’t pan out, we may become overly focused on this shortfall, instead of all the things that might be going well. If there are any perfectionists out there, you know what I’m talking about.
During this season, our emotions can be all over the place. Circumstances and conditions are bound to impact our mood. In the past, I’ve written a couple of posts that touch on this topic. I hope you will check them out:
- Holiday “Productivity”
- Six Things to Skip This Holiday Season
- Holiday Lies We Believe
- When You Just Don’t Feel Jolly
In all honestly, the only way to ensure a positive holiday is to make a conscious decision, in advance, to choose joy. Much as a horse wears blinders in a race, we can choose to take our attention off of whatever may feel wrong, and instead mindfully seek out what brings us gladness. It is both possible and permissible to be joyful, even when our surroundings may be suboptimal. A bit of laughter can be the perfect way to move through “difficult” moments.
Admittedly, seasons of loss, illness, and grief can make it hard for us to feel joyful. In these challenging seasons, it is important to “feel our feels.” We needn’t pretend to be jolly when our hearts are hurting. Nevertheless, I often think of that closing scene from “When the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Even when all the holiday accoutrements were gone, the Hoos were able to hold hands and sing. This scene is a beautiful image of hope and joy.
And so, this is what I wish for all my readers. Whether you are alone or in a crowd, whether you are sick or healthy, whether you are flush or struggling, I wish you the ability to find something that makes you joyful, and to deeply dwell on this. If the holidays are falling short of what you expected, that’s okay. Be on the hunt for whatever you can find that is pleasurable and welcome, and then think about this over and over.
In addition, remember that we are about to turn the page on a new year. You never know what good may be on its way.
No matter what you celebrate or with whom, may you be overwhelmed by gratitude, light, and peace in these final days of 2024!
Happy Holidays
Truly the joy of the holiday is in the little things. May the joy of all the little things overwhelm you with gratitude.
And to you, Ellen. Merry Christmas!
What a beautiful way to embrace the holiday season, Seana! I’m all about finding joy and ‘small awe’ regularly (holiday season or not.) However, I understand how this season puts extra pressure and expectations on us to be “jolly” or “happy.” We know that’s unrealistic, especially when many complex life challenges are often happening.
But as you so beautifully said, we can find what exudes joy, love, and peace. The moments are there if we look for them. For me, someone highly sensitized to ‘sensing,’ it is a spectacular season. There are many things to delight my senses- colors, twinkling lights, candles burning, scents of balsam and clove, soft blankets and cozy sweaters, holiday music, hot chocolate with marshmallows, and so much more.
And then, of course, there is joy in having time with our treasured family and friends. ‘Tis the season.
I wish you and your family a warm, joy-filled holiday season!
I so agree with all of these sensory examples – such a treat. I’ve come to appreciate the relative quiet of this time of year – no leaf blowers or lawn mowers. I also love the vibe of a real fire in my fireplace. In fact, I’m hoping to light one tonight. 🙂
Happy holidays, Linda!
A very good read. We can all find some bit of joy somewhere even if this is not our best holiday season.
Some years, a bit is all we get. But it is still something, and I think helps us remember that there will be joyful times ahead. Sending you a big hug this year, Jonda!
I love this, such a beautiful reminder. I truly believe what we focus on we attract more of so let’s always focus on the positive, beautiful things in life.
The idea that our experience of life is a choice is kind of mind-blowing, right Florena? I’ve been noticing how two people experiencing the same situation can go through it quite differently. Some years are tough for sure, but if we look, we can always find something to celebrate.
I love this. It can be so hard to experience the holidays when you set up big, honking expectations, because anything that falls short will feel like a failure. I was looking forward to the end of this year, but have a big, stupid cold (not COVID, not the flu, not strep, so I feel silly even whining) and have been canceling the few things on my schedule left and right. (I mean, I wasn’t planning on swinging from the rafters, anyway, but…) But guess what? I got absolute joy out of binge-watching the second seasons of The Diplomat and Shrinking, and have been just fine with a quiet time from the middle of last week and going into the holidays. Thank you for the reminder to CHOOSE joy!
Illness just shreds our plans to bits. There has been a lot of it in my family this season. It’s hard. You miss things. You cancel things. But in the end, you maybe get some needed rest and break.
I’m sorry to hear you are battling a virus. They really are pernicious and no fun!!!! I hope this downtime is a balm of sorts, that you recover quickly from this moment, and that you are able to experience joy this week.
Hugs to you!
“Dwell on What Makes You Joyful” encourages focusing on the positive aspects of life that bring happiness and fulfillment. By consciously reflecting on activities, people, or moments that spark joy, you can cultivate a mindset of gratitude and contentment. This practice helps shift attention away from stress or negativity, fostering a more optimistic outlook. Whether it’s a hobby, time spent with loved ones, or simple pleasures, dwelling on what makes you joyful enhances well-being and creates a more balanced, fulfilling life.
Agreed! It’s all a matter of perspective, right?
I like your suggestion of “choosing joy”. I feel like some people work so hard to make everything perfect, and then are let down when it doesn’t work out exactly how they planned. As I get older I don’t want to work that hard, so I’ve adopted the mantra “it is what it is” and just enjoy being with my family. Both my sons are home this year! I’m so excited to be together.
I hope you all had a wonderful time together. I’m getting more relaxed as well, although I still have “room for growth” on this one!