Forming new habits can be challenging. Even small changes can be difficult to implement. I had an experience recently that reminded me of this truth. It also led me to consider what I could do to help myself move forward. As a result, I thought I would share one simple trick to help you form a new habit.
Over a year ago, I purchased a new car. In our family, we tend to drive cars until they are completely dead, so I still had (and have) my old car. I drive the old car for work and use the new car for everything else. Being from 2008, my old car still requires a key which I have to physically place into the ignition and turn in order to start the engine. In contrast, my new car has a key fob which only needs to be present in the vehicle in order for the car to start. This “keyless entry” is a convenience, meaning I don’t have to fish my key out of my pocket to get into and start the car. However, in my case, keeping track of it has proven to be a challenge.
This issue has been multi-faceted:
- If I have the key fob in my hand when I enter the vehicle, I don’t know where to put it in when I sit down into the car. Should I put it into my pocket? What if I don’t have a pocket? Should I stick it somewhere inside the center console? Somewhere else? In my purse?
- If I don’t have the key fob in my hand when I enter the car (e.g., because it is in my pocket), when I get to my destination, I find I still want to pull it out soI can lock the car when I exit.
- If I park in my garage at home, where I don’t need to lock the car, I often forget to put the key fob in our “key storage” location just inside the door. I enter the house with the key fob in my pocket, or maybe in my purse or coat, and forget all about it.
The other day, I was walking out the door to go on a fun trip (hence, in the new car), and I couldn’t find my key. Since I am a fairly organized and routine-oriented person, this was an unusual occurrence. As the time ticked by, I got increasingly agitated and anxious. Was I going to be late?
To be honest, having this experience was a good reminder of how frustrating it is when you can’t find what you need! Experiences like these are good for amping up my empathy for my clients.
As I recalled, the last time I had driven this car was to church on Sunday, so I checked my nice coat and the pants I had worn to church. Nothing.
I looked everywhere I could think of where I might have put a key, but to no avail. I looked multiple times through the drawer that holds our key dish. [Sidenote: Does anyone else do this? Search the same spot over and over, expecting to find something we overlooked before?] As the time for my departure came and went, I realized I was out of time. I dug deep into the key drawer and found the second key for the new car and used this one instead. But the entire time I was driving, and while I was on my outing, I couldn’t stop wondering where my key was.
I knew it had to be somewhere in the house or else I wouldn’t have been able to drive the car home. But where could it be? Could I have had a total mental “moment” and dropped it into the trash? Might I have dropped it, and it was now somewhere on the floor of the garage? I wondered if maybe I had put it down loosely with my gloves in my cubby.
The day passed, and when I returned, I immediately headed straight for my cubby with high hopes the key was hidden underneath. I found the gloves, but no key. I was so frustrated with myself for having not paid better attention to where I put the key. [Can anyone relate?]
It was at this moment that I suddenly remembered I had taken this car just the day before for a quick meeting before work. I had been in a rush, and had to dash in from the car, run upstairs to change my pants for work, and head back out again in the other car. With this memory in mind, I raced up the stairs to check the pockets of the pants I had worn to the meeting, and ta-da! There it was!
This incident, and the stress it imposed, made me realize I needed a better plan for the key fob. I began by acknowledging a couple of facts:
- Using two cars, with two different systems, has been a bit confusing. I am making my brain work a little harder than it would if I drove only one car. Each time I go somewhere, I have to focus on which car I am using and which key I am using. When I only had one car, this wasn’t a problem. Admittedly, this problem is a bit of a luxury to have, but the cognitive load of repeatedly toggling between two systems is real.
- My haphazard approach to keeping track of the new key wasn’t working. I needed to mindfully develop a system for using the new key.
Before I dive into my specific trick, I want to say that whenever your approach isn’t working, it is worth the effort to pause and come up with a system. Systems, routines, and habits help us reduce the complexity of life. They make life easier.
Next, (and here is where the trick comes in), I decided to follow a pre-planned series of steps with my new key. I am working on taking the same steps in the same order and timing – whenever I use that key. These steps include:
- Storing the key in the same place I keep my other key.
- When I use the new key, carrying it from the house to the car in my hand rather than putting it in a pocket or purse.
- When I get in the car, sticking the key in a specified small area on the door.
- When I get out of the car, removing the key, and:
- If I am out and about, putting the key in the front right pocket of my pants or coat/jacket, or in the front/zipper pocket of my purse.
- If I am at home, carrying the key inside and putting it directly into the dish in the drawer, along with the sunglasses I am usually wearing.
While I am learning this system, I am also going to verbalize what I am doing with my key, such as “I’m putting my key into my front right pocket.” or “I’m putting my car key away with my sunglasses.”
The “trick” is to do this, to the best of my ability, in exactly the same way for as long as it takes my brain to make the sequence automatic.
Why do I think this will work?
It’s a known fact that the human brain looks for patterns. This tendency is part of the way we learn and survive. The brain tries to find and repeat patterns whenever it recognizes similar stimuli. It’s pretty amazing actually.
This little 3-minute video gives a great summary of how this works.
My brain must love patterns, because I answered the opening question in the video as many people do. Normally, it wouldn’t take me more than a couple of days to adjust to a new key system. However, in this case, my brain has been having trouble identifying the pattern because:
- I continue to switch back and forth between the two cars.
- I haven’t focused on developing a consistent pattern of behavior for handling the key to the new car.
I want my brain to get this so I don’t have to keep focusing on my key; I want to help it recognize the pattern and “automate” this for me.
Some of you may find this key example silly, which is fine. The point is that when forming a new habit, the trick is consistency: utterly boring, completely predictable, redundant consistency. If possible, doing things at the same time of day, as well as in the same sequence, can really help. I think of how a dog might get used to getting a treat at 4pm every day. Even though the dog can’t tell time, the environmental cues tell the dog the time has arrived. (Any of you with pets were recently reminded of this fact when we turned the clocks ahead by one hour!)
Minimize wavering from the system as much as possible, especially as you are getting started. As the brain learns the pattern, the force of habit will eventually take over, and you might find it feels weird or even difficult to waiver from the way you have been doing things.
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What habit have you recently formed? What helped you form it?
Taking everything out of my pockets whenever I hang up a coat I’ve worn. I did it as a system a few months ago because I couldn’t find things until I dug around in various pockets! Good reminder. Until you brought it up I didn’t think of that as a system!
That definitely is a system! It’s a habit you have developed to make sure you don’t lose track of the things on your coat pockets. Love it!
Thank you for sharing your car key challenge and how you’re developing a new habit. I get it.
I only have one car, but it has two keys. I keep one in a particular section in my purse and the other ‘lives’ in a communal drawer in the house. Maybe your car is different than mine, which also uses a keyfob with a keyless ignition. But I don’t have to have the key out of my purse to lock, unlock, and start the car. As long as the keyfob is close to the car, it can remain in my purse.
A while back, I had a situation with my glasses that required a habit change. My eyes have gotten worse as I’ve aged. I don’t have progressive lenses, but I opted instead for different glasses for my varying needs: computer, reading, and driving/distance. In addition, I have prescription driving sunglasses.
To have the glasses I need at the right time, I purchased multiple pairs so they can ‘live’ where I need them. Perhaps I’ll get progressives at a point, but for now, this system works. It took me a while to figure it out and get used to it.
I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good luck wishes as you adjust to your two car key situation.
As I said in the post, it is a luxury problem to have, but it was stressing me out! I’ve really been focusing on it for a few days. Like yours, I don’t need to pull the key out of my purse or pocket for the car to run, but that was part of my problem. I was forgetting, when I got home, to retrieve the key from my pocket and put it back into the dish. Keeping yours in your purse is a good idea, but sometimes I don’t have the same purse with me. It’s so silly, and yet sometimes life biggest challenges are in the little things!
Like you, I have glasses all over the house. I haven’t gone for progressives yet, but I’m sure it won’t be long…
I can relate to the glasses issue! I had cataract surgery last year, resulting in much improved distance vision but very poor up-close vision. I got new prescription glasses with a light prescription in the top and reading glasses in the bottom. Sounds ideal, but I don’t need them at all for many activities (including driving on bright days) and the reading glass part is fine for looking at my phone, package labels, etc. but not for reading books or doing crossword puzzles, so I bought reading glasses at the drug store. They weren’t quite right so I bought another pair with a slightly different strength. It’s a bit of a pain, but I’ve developed a routine (too complicated and boring to share) that ensures I always have the right glasses handy at any given time.
Getting the vision thing “right” as we age is so tricky! I totally relate to this challenge!
I recently had to change a routine, when I started taking a new prescription med. It had to be taken in the morning, one hour before I eat or drink anything. I usually take my vitamins in the morning with my coffee first thing, so a change was called for. My doctor suggested that I take my vitamins at bedtime, so I’m trying that and have found one great benefit.
I take the medication as soon as I wake up, then I go for my morning walk. By the time I get home, it’s time to make the coffee. I’ve never been good at swallowing pills, so now I find that I’m enjoying my morning coffee so much more because it doesn’t involve swallowing pills. Yay!
PS. I love my car key fob!
It’s funny how a simple thing like taking a new medication can throw us for a loop. I love that your doctor was willing to “get granular” with that suggestion, and am so happy that it is working for you. We shouldn’t feel embarrassed if we need to think through tiny details like these. In the end, the system will become automatic, saving us lots of time. In your case, the added benefit of improving your enjoyment of your morning coffee. Double win!
This is such a great example of how to create a new habit. I love the way you created the steps and that you are intentionally practicing the same sequence of steps.
Have you read the book “7 1/2 Lessons About the Brain” ? In it the author talks about the patterning and predictability. I’ve read this book before and am in the process of rereading it because it contains such valuable information.
I haven’t read that book but will check it out. The human brain is astounding in what it can do, and more we learn, the more impressive it gets!
I purposefully have both key fobs in my bag for my car and my husband’s car. It helps me no matter which car I can access. I had to change this habit when my kids started to drive and everyone had a car. Our two vehicles had to be placed one in front of the other. So, carrying both key fobs works best for me. Then, I don’t care which car I am driving.
I love your trick! I have told many of my older clients this tip to help them. I always remember where items are placed. I like to visualize and say where I put my things so I remember.
Yes, visualizing is another way to make an ‘impression’ on our brains of what we are doing or where we are putting something. The more impressions we get, the better chance we have of remembering!
I think it is so interesting how our brains just automatically know what comes next and we are often not aware of what we are doing. It’s those automatic habits that we have. My mom who is in a Care Home kept locking the bathroom door. We kept telling her not to but she could not grasp or change that. I put some scotch tape on the lock and voila problem solved.
I do also think that we need to be more mindful, however, that can sound easy but of course its really not. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I love that you found a fix for the bathroom door problem. Sometimes we tend to gloss over things like this as unimportant, but they are not! Your Mom getting locked into a bathroom would be awful. Taking a minute or two to mindfully come up with an approach is almost always worth the effort.
Lately I have had a medication change where I had to take a certain medication in the evening as well as in the morning. I had my morning system down with taking my meds before my coffee and at least 1/2 hour before my breakfast. But remembering to take meds in the evening was hit or miss.
I finally landed on the linking of taking the meds with my shutting down for the day. I would not allow myself to go into the living room or out on the deck until after I had taken my evening meds. This works pretty much all the time unless something unusual comes up.
I think being mindful of what you are doing is key.
Love this! Yes, it’s about being mindful, making an intentional plan of action. Medication is definitely one of those “things” that we need to give some thought to. I was just talking with a client about this today!!
First, I’m befuddled regarding your key situation, so I’m going to go off a crazy tangent of solving something you’ve already solved. This is one of those times when a problem mystifies me because the “obvious” answer to me must mean your life is very different from mine, but this is what I’m thinking:
a) Why isn’t your fob on the same keychain where you keep your house key(s) and the key(s) to your other car? Don’t you keep all your keys on one ring? I have my car key/fob, my house key, my mailbox key, and the keys to my mother’s house and my sister’s house all on one ring. Is there a reason the fob can’t live on the same keychain as the one for your other key?
b) Even if you don’t have one keychain with everything, you are never supposed to drive without your driver’s license. Your driver’s license is in your wallet, so you’re never without your wallet, and most women carry their wallet in their purse. Can you fit your fob in the change compartment of your wallet? If not, assuming your wallet is in your purse, can you just keep the fob in the zipper compartment of your purse? I don’t know about you, but I’ve been driving for 42 years and I’ve never once gotten in the car without my purse (because, y’know, wallet/money/license), so it’s all right *there*. (If you switch purses, surely you move your wallet, pills, glasses, whatever to the other purse, right? No?)
(I get out of the car, lock the door, unlock my home, walk inside, lock the door from the inside, and put my keys back in my purse. It’s never occurred to me to create a key system because I’ve done it this way since I got my first key when I was eight. So I’m trying to unravel this mystery as if you were one of my clients presenting it.)
So many questions? Like, do you not take a purse when you leave the house? Do you have separate key rings for each car and for your house keys and for all the other keys you need? Doesn’t each person in the house just have a full set of keys duplicating everyone else’s with a full emergency set locked away for, y’know, emergencies?
And yes, I realize I must be missing something very different about your lifestyle vs. mine that makes my “obvious” your “obviously not” but now I need to understand why there’s a need for this super-complex process instead of it living in your purse 100% of the time. Please un-confuse me! 😉
c) Have you ever considered attaching an Airtag or Tile to your key fob thingie?
But much more importantly than my random confusion of your key life, I must note that you have done a superb job laying out exactly how you develop a new system and love “utterly boring, completely predictable, redundant consistency” for creating that. It takes mindfulness until a new system is second nature, but it’s exactly what’s necessary until it’s something you can do by rote no matter what else is going on in your brain. And you do the same as I do (and teach), which is to verbalize what you are doing, because our brains hear our thoughts differently from how they hear our voices spoken aloud.
(When in doubt, if you lose your keys or fob again, you can always call on St. Anthony. Yes, that’s officially for the Catholics, but my mom is an almost 89yo Jewish mother, and she says, “Hey, Tony, can you help a nice Jewish lady out?” and her missing items reappear in a flash. 😉
Finally, I need to follow your advice with my glasses. I now wear one pair for walking around/life, a different prescription for driving, and a third for watching TV. When I get in the car, I switch to my driving glasses; when I get out, especially at home, I should switch back to my walking around glasses. I should follow my own advice and keep the unused pair of glasses in a glasses case in my purse instead of in the car.
Meanwhile, you’re probably laughing at me being so thoroughly confused about your key life.
Keys are just one of those “things” that many people struggle with. To answer your questions: a. I don’t really use many other keys. My house key is kept somewhere else, and I rarely use it since I enter through my garage. I always have it with me, though. I don’t really carry any other keys. b. This key fob is way too fat to fit into my wallet. c. I don’t always have my purse with me when I need the key. For instance, when I’m working with a client, I may need to dash out and pay my meter, maybe drop some donation items of theirs in my car. Don’t need my purse for that, just the key.
The duplicate keys have a space in the house, not on a key ring. When we have everyone at home, meaning 4 drivers, I don’t want people rifling through my purse for my key.
The major issue was I am well accustomed to removing my key from the ignition, walking inside, and putting it away. I was getting tripped up with with not needing to remove the key from the ignition, meaning sometimes I was leaving it in the car, or in a pocket, or in a purse, and then forgetting where that was.
Anywho, I love your Mom’s perspective on St. Anthony LOL. I’m not a Catholic either, but I’ve heard others suggest I give him a shot when I am missing things.
So far medication and glasses are the two items most people seems to be mentioning. I’ve had to be mindful about both of those as well. 🙂
Wow! What a great reminder how without enough time we end up frustrated and stressed. This is a great reminder how time and organizing go together.
Even organizers get stressed out sometimes, right?
One simple trick to help form a new habit is the **”2-Minute Rule.”** Start small by dedicating just two minutes to the habit each day. This makes it easier to begin and gradually builds consistency, helping the habit stick over time.
I love this tip. That feels like a small, achievable goal. I recently started using an app called Pause, and it reminds me to stop for one minute, twice a day. So far it has been simple to do this, and I’m really enjoying it. Thanks for sharing this idea.