What to Do When You Are Feeling Underwater

Ever walk into your home, look around, and say to yourself, ‘How in the world did things get so out of control?’ If so, you’re not alone. Finding yourself in over your head is both common and discouraging. We can be doing all we can and still feel like we aren’t making any progress. Sometimes, that makes us want to give up altogether. This week, I’m considering what to do when you’re feeling underwater.

The Underwater Feeling

At one time or another, most people experience the feeling of being overwhelmed by chaos in their space. This feeling can be triggered by things like:

• Accumulated mail and paperwork that we’ve avoided.
• Endless laundry piles.
• Rooms and spaces that have become overrun by items that were stashed there ‘temporarily.’
• Dark, dirty, or hard-to-reach spaces that are full of stuff we can’t—or don’t want to—deal with.
• Components of projects that we’ve had the intention to complete.
• Boxes of items that were part of a previous move but were never unpacked.
• Sentimental items that we don’t feel emotionally ready to review.

Situations like these create an out-of-control feeling, much like when we are floundering in a body of water. We can feel like we are kicking and swimming but barely keeping our heads above water. Additionally, we may lack the ability to see a light at the end of the tunnel and feel a bit hopeless. We may also be tired.

Why Spaces Get Out of Control 

Often, our first instinct is to blame ourselves for letting things get so bad. But while we may have played a role, there are often other factors at play.

An Overwhelming Life Event
This can be either a traumatic experience (e.g., illness, death of a family member, job loss, divorce) or a joyful event (e.g., a wedding, relocation, or new job).

When life slams us, we naturally shift into coping mode. Because these things often happen quickly, we don’t have time to sit down and figure out the best way to manage them. Instead, we are just trying to adapt to what’s going on. This may look like:

• In the case of a medical event: Bottles of medicine piling up on the counters, medical equipment taking up floor space, new furniture layouts to accommodate sleeping on the first floor, etc.
• In the case of a move: Belongings may get stashed in the nearest cabinet or shelf just to get the moving boxes out of the hallway. The garage or a spare room may fill up with things that don’t yet have an obvious home. Paperwork may get lost because you don’t yet have a work surface, and familiar items may seem to disappear as you navigate the new space.
• In the case of job loss: boxes of items from an office piling up in the dining room or bedroom with no place to put their contents.
• In the case of a new baby: bottles, diapers, clothing, and toys taking over the living spaces.
• In the case of a wedding or special event: accumulation of supplies gathering in various spaces until they are needed and/or disappearance and misplacement of regularly used items into bins and boxes, so they are out of sight when guests arrive.

These are just a few examples. The common factor is that we are thrust into managing a new situation. Mentally and emotionally, we are busy processing the event, making it difficult to think clearly about storage, organization, and systems.

At one point or another, most of us encounter major life events that disrupt our normal routines.

Other People Share Your Space

It’s a blessing to have others in our lives, but sharing space with them isn’t always easy. One reason is that most of us have differing tolerances and preferences for how belongings and spaces should be maintained.

We may work hard to clear out a room, organize a closet, or establish a paper-management system, only to see it quickly undone because the other people sharing the space aren’t on board. This can be very frustrating.

Getting Organized Is Hard For You

If this is you, don’t take this as a condemnation! Maybe organizing just isn’t your thing: you would rather hang at the party and leave the dishes for tomorrow or you want a home where “kids can be kids.” In many aspects of life, these qualities are serving you well, and your natural proclivities don’t mean you can’t find solutions that work for you.

Many people are coping with ADHD, OCD, traumatic brain injury (TBI), hoarding disorder, depression, anxiety, or other mental or emotional challenges that make it hard to get organized. If organizing seems harder for you than it does for other people, there may be a reason for that. Again, this doesn’t mean you are doomed, only that you might need some extra support.  

Alternatively, you may have both a strong desire and the capability to establish and maintain order but simply don’t know how. You weren’t reared with any instruction in this area, and you wonder where to start, how to go about setting up a system, or what tools to use.

For many people, the problem is a combination of all three. For example, maybe you moved five years ago and never fully unpacked. Now your mom is sick, you’ve had to take on a part-time job, and when you finally have a spare minute, you’re simply too tired to tackle the mess.

Four Steps to Get Your Head Above Water

When you’re already feeling underwater, the size of the problem can make it seem impossible to recover. But improvement is possible. You don’t have to solve everything at once.

If you are facing a large challenge, consider these three steps to regaining control.

#1 Be Realistic

Whether the situation has been brewing for years or hit you like a tidal wave, a large challenge will take some time to resolve. Rather than letting this discourage you, think of it as permission to take the time you need.

• You probably won’t clear and organize a garage by yourself in one day.
• It may take a couple of weeks to go through everything in your closet.
• Selling unwanted items will take time and effort.
• Don’t feel pressured to rush through or get rid of all your memorabilia. Sentimental stuff is the hardest.
• Adjusting to a new way of doing things, a new space, or a new group of people takes time. Focus on consistent action. Be patient with your emotions.

#2 Communicate Your Feelings and Needs

Sadly, most of us feel we need to hide our feelings of overwhelm. We believe the myth that we should have it all together, all the time. Social media has made this situation worse. Remember, what you see in a curated post is not reality. It’s actually okay to not be okay.

Wise people ask for help. Honest people share how they are feeling with others. I can’t guarantee that you’ll get a supportive response, but expressing what you’re feeling can help you release some of the frustration and resentment you’ve been carrying. And remember, often the people around us don’t know how we are feeling or how much we may be suffering. We have to speak up.

In the case where the actions of others are making your situation worse, it is important to establish and then communicate some boundaries. A boundary is not a threat. Rather, it explains how we will respond when agreed-upon guidelines aren’t followed. For instance, if the agreement is that toys need to be put away before bedtime and that doesn’t happen, we might temporarily remove some of the toys rather than continuing to clean them up ourselves. Or, if the standard is that dirty clothes go in the hamper, we will not wash clothes that have been left on the floor.

Think of it this way: if you were drowning, you would rightly call out to let people know you were in trouble and needed help.

#3 Consider Getting Professional Help

I wrote an entire post on “When to Hire Help.” Professional organizers can help you make the quickest and most efficient use of your time and resources. Professionals also bring experience and training that the average person does not possess. Furthermore, many people find that once an organizer or productivity expert has kick started the process, maintaining the system feels much more approachable.

Another benefit of an objective third party is that they can often help negotiate between parties with different points of view. I often work with couples who have contrasting organizing styles. Neither is necessarily right or wrong, but their varying approaches create friction.

One solution I frequently suggest is to establish both private zones (areas we call our own and can keep as we wish) and public zones (shared spaces where we meet agreed-upon standards). If you need help with this situation, you can check out this post on what to do when you don’t see eye to eye.

Aside from professional support, it helps to find someone who can simply be a listening and supportive ear. It helps to know you aren’t drowning alone. It also helps to have someone by your side, reminding you of all the things you are doing well! It’s easy to lose perspective and think we are bad at everything when in reality we are just having a tough time in a few, specific areas.

#4 Get Thoughts and Ideas

If what you most need is just some ideas and general direction on how to get started:

• Read books and blogs, listen to podcasts, attend presentations, and generally orient your mindset toward organizing and productivity. Think of this as “getting into the organizing spirit,” much as you would around the holidays.
• Check out apps like Todoist, Cozi, or similar tools. Many offer free versions.
• If you feel comfortable using AI, a chat-bot can also help you brainstorm where to start, break a large project into smaller steps, or create a simple plan.
• Follow professional organizers and productivity experts whose approaches resonate with you. (You can find me on Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, YouTube, and X).  With today’s algorithms, once you interact with a few organizing accounts, you’ll likely start seeing more related content in your feeds.

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A chaotic space doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve failed. Sometimes it simply means that life has exceeded the systems, time, energy, or support you currently have available.

The important thing is not to give up. You don’t have to fix everything today. Take the next step, ask for help when you need it, and remember that these situations can get better.

How have you ever felt underwater? What tools have helped you regain control?