Expectations are funny things. They tell us how something should be, should look, or should turn out. Sometimes, our expectations are low, and a situation turns out better than we expected. No problem here! But when we set our expectations unrealistically high, we can end up feeling disappointed and discouraged. Much of how we experience life comes down to managing expectations.
Casting the Vision
Simply being aware of the power of expectations–and the need to manage them–can be very useful. This is especially true when we are trying something new. We need to give ourselves the freedom to fail, not have all the answers, and to move slowly. When I work with clients I often ask them, “If we could wave a magic wand and be finished with this project, what would we see?” This helps me to understand what their expectations are.
Let me share an example. I recently met with a prospective client to discuss organizing her garage. Right now, the garage is so full that you can’t even walk into it. Her answer to my “magic wand” question was, “I want to be able to walk into the garage and easily find what I’m looking for.” I asked, “Are you hoping to fit the cars into the garage?” She said that her family had given up on that goal since they are using the garage to store so much other stuff, including a motorcycle and a snow blower.
I also invited her son to join our conversation because he stores many things in the same space. We talked about how he might help in the process and what was important to him. He is willing to help, but since he works as a teacher, his participation will be limited to Saturdays. The client’s husband was reluctant to work on the garage and was suspicious of hiring a professional organizer. We decided to work around his possessions, at least temporarily, giving him a chance to observe the process from a distance.
In situations like this, I like to remember the principle: under-promise, over-deliver. It’s much better to create a realistic expectation and exceed it than to promise an ideal outcome and leave everyone disappointed.
Having a clear vision and sharing it with everyone involved is very important. It helps everyone know what to expect and stay on track throughout the process. Never assume everyone is on the same page.
Tips for Managing Expectations
In general, there are a few basic strategies to successfully managing expectations, both for yourself and others.
Be realistic.
Progress is incredibly motivating, but falling short can have the opposite effect. We shouldn’t expect to make major progress quickly. Unrealistic expectations tend to backfire, leaving us feeling discouraged. Resist the temptation to set objectives that require you to show up with 100% focus every time. Life happens, and some days you’ll do better than others.
Likewise, if you are new to something, there will be a learning curve. A high jumper doesn’t start training with the bar at the highest level. A new cook doesn’t begin by making a souffle´. Be honest with yourself about your time, talents, and resources. Set yourself up to succeed, not fail. You can always set a new goal later.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Set small, achievable objectives rather than one large, out-of-reach goal.
Don’t pretend to have knowledge you lack.
Often, we pretend to have knowledge or competence in an area because we feel embarrassed or ashamed about what we don’t know. But false bravado can quickly turn to despair we realize we are in over our heads. Being honest about our limitations prevents others from expecting more than we can offer. A lack of experience or knowledge isn’t a character flaw. It’s simply a reality that can be addressed with good instruction and a willingness to learn.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Be open about your limitations and then be willing to do whatever is necessary to address them.
Overestimate the time you will need.
We tend to estimate the time a task will take with the assumption that everything will go exactly as planned. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. You may think you can finish the report by the end of the day, but then you get a call from school telling you to come and pick up your feverish child. A 30-minute drive ends up taking an hour because of an accident on the highway. Time pressure makes everything more stressful. When we underestimate how much time we’ll need, we set ourselves up for failure.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Build in buffer time around tasks when planning your day.
Be specific.
Sometimes we get in trouble because we aren’t specific enough about what we will–and won’t–do. For instance, saying, “I’ll help with that event” may be too broad. Will you recruit volunteers, order supplies, or manage the finances? Similarly, deciding to “clean out the spare room” may be too vague to execute. Instead, commit to more clearly defined steps, such as sorting through the drawers in the extra dresser, going through the large box on the floor, or collecting two bags of items to donate from the space.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Be very specific with yourself and others when describing what you will accomplish.
Identify areas where you will need help.
Few people like to admit they need help. I think that’s partly the result of the rugged individualism we value in modern society. However, nobody knows how to do everything. We all have strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others. Especially when we are trying something we’ve never done before, or something that we’ve been avoiding, its normal to feel incapable. Seeking assistance is often the fastest and most efficient way to make progress.
PRACTICAL APPLICATION: Be willing to bring in people or resources who can help you get started and support you along the way.
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Managing expectations at the outset greatly impacts how we feel about what comes next. Healthy expectations keep us motivated and on track, while unrealistic, ill-defined, and poorly communicated expectations drain our energy and lead to disappointment. We can’t control every aspect of a process, but we can control how we define success. When we set the target appropriately, we are more likely to hit it.
What experiences have you had of exceeding or falling short of expectations?
Great article Seana, I always think I have more time in the day, then I turn around and my son is walking in the door from school. I have learned to set a list of attainable goals that I can manage in the time I have, what’s left gets done the next day.
There is definitely some time warp that goes on with the school day. It seems to go so quickly! I especially remember feeling this way during the preschool years, when I felt I had barely managed drop off and it was time to head back in:)
Hi Seana – great article and it couldn’t be more appropriate for getting organised.
So often I find that I expect things to take a lot less time than they actually do, which can be very demotivating and cause less inclination to get started (thinking here about how much I add to my diary at times, or starting to organise a room in my house etc..).
Having the right expectations can do wonders for productivity if you start to understand how long things take and be realistic about what you can do.
Thanks again!
That’s exactly how I feel, Chrissy. If I expect a task to take a week, I’m more patient with myself and feel motivated by my progress. But when I underestimate the time, I feel like a loser. So to the extent that I can control that expectation, I increase the odds of feeling like a success:) Thanks for the comment!
Seana, great article and wonderful tips for sure. I will say asking for help is so important and learned this the hard way more then a few times, especially when I was a first time mother. So, I seriously couldn’t agree more 🙂
It took me a few big “fails” myself to learn that asking for help is a sign of wisdom and strength, not weakness. This seems counterintuitive, but it really is true. It is so freeing to be able to say “I know nothing about this” 🙂
I am so learning about asking for help, and overestimating time needed. I used to get into trouble by avoiding both. It was bad.
I’m struck by this one – “Don’t pretend to have knowledge you lack.” In my business there will be things I’m asked to do that I’ve never done. Often I can wing it and rent a lens and learn what I need to learn.
Not always.
I’m learning to be honest about what I can’t do because it’s out there.
My experience is that if we are clear about our level of experience, but then say we are willing to move forward and try if the client/boss is okay with that, they often still hire me. I just think when we misrepresent our abilities, that adds expectations, and hence pressure!
Asking for help is such a big step, we think we are weak if we do, but it requires great strength to admit that you need help. Hubby and I fight about this all the time, I like to plan the what ifs and what migh happens…he’s just go and see what happens…drives me MAD!
Variety is the spice of life, for sure! Funny how we often end up with someone whose approach is so different from our own. I think we end up balancing each other out, right? I tend to be more like you, though, and think through the possible issues so I can problem solve them in advance.
I took on the job of Executive Director (while I’m in graduate school full-time) and I’ve really learned a lot about expectations. All of these points you make, I’ve encountered in the last year. It’s a challenging job, but I’ve also learned that it’s better to learn from experience than just reading or thinking about it.
It is better, Nicole! Sounds like you have a VERY FULL plate, so best of luck with all of those responsibilities. I think most people are happy to put in the effort to learn, but it is freeing to not have to pretend to have skills you don’t.. to be given the help or time you need to get up to speed. Thanks for the comment!
Great information on how to live practical lives, rather than above our expectations. I think your tip on creating small, manageable goals, rather than one big goal is very smart. Thanks for posting. Have a blessed day. Followed you from SITS.
Thanks, Vicki. Nothing is more depressing than feeling like I didn’t accomplish what I should have, so for me, smaller (more achievable…) goals keeps me motivated:)
I am always underestimating on time. It’s a bad habit and frequently puts me in the position of having too much to do in too little time. This is a good reminder!
I hate that time pressure.. makes me feel so out of control. I can’t control everything, but if its up to me, I try to stack the odds in my favor by giving myself extra time. Worth a try!
I used to not ask for help because I don’t want others to think that I can’t do it. But I’ve learned especially when I became a mom that asking for help is necessary in some cases. There are just situations when we cannot do it all and that’s when we’ll need help. 🙂
I so agree, Rea! And asking for help when you need it then turns into a strength position, enabling others to use their gifts and create a better outcome. Becoming a Mom was definitely an eye-opener for me on this one as well… very humbling:)
I love all that you shared here, Seana. Managing expectations is so important and takes time to learn. Overly enthusiastic thinking can be present at the start of a project, when excitement is high. However, it can be challenging to sustain that energy throughout, as you mentioned.
Many of my clients can get overly ambitious about what’s possible to accomplish during or between sessions. It’s something we talk through together so I can help them align what they want to do with their available time, given their schedule and commitments.
Knowing how long things will take to complete is a skill that can be developed.
The more we do something, the better we get at estimating duration. This has certainly been true for me with organizing. Now I have a fairly accurate idea of how long a project will take, depending on the pace that is comfortable for the client.
I’d always rather be surprised at how quickly something went than discouraged by how long it took!
I love to under promise and over deliver! That is truly the best solution for our work with clients. Helping clients manage expectations of themselves is often where we have the most impact.
Absolutely. I think it helps when we can give them a realistic idea of what to expect and how long things will take!
It’s tricky when not everyone is on the same page about getting organized, so I especially like the way you dealt with the husband’s possessions in the garage project.
We’ll see how it goes. I have encountered this situation before, I think respecting people’s wishes is important, and ultimately builds trust.
I’m all about developing the vision first. I also make it clear that if we are working in a shared space everyone needs to be able to share their vision and that they will not all be the same. That is where you have the family meeting and come to a common vision that may not be the exact one the client had but one that they can work with.
Next is brainstorming what has to be done to meet the vision. This is where it gets real. Breaking down the large projects into small bites and setting up a plan.
While I encourage my clients to have an end date in sight, I also remind them that life happens and to allow plenty of wiggle-room.
Talking through the vision can be a challenge, especially when there are different perspectives. However, I like to get a feel for where everyone is coming from, and troubleshoot what we can in advance!