We are heading into the middle of December. Many people are feeling the pressure to “make memories” for themselves and others in their lives. My thought for this week is: “One good holiday moment makes the season worthwhile.”
Looking around, whether it be on television, the movies, social media, or elsewhere, it is easy to start believing that every day in the month of December should be a heartwarming, life affirming celebration. A “respectable” holiday season seems to consist of a nonstop series of festive gatherings, special events, poignant experiences, and familial joy. Additionally, everyone we see appears perfectly dressed, healthy, stress-free, in love, and content. In contrast, we rarely see:
- crying and/or sick children
- stressed-out students
- overworked employees
- sleep-deprived parents
- lonely singles
- messy homes
Over many years, I’ve come to realize the futility in trying to pull off the “perfect” season. Each year, regardless of time and planning, I will face unexpected challenges, difficulties, expenses, and (hopefully minor) calamities. I may also be disappointed by a plan that doesn’t unfold quite as successfully as I had hoped.
Nevertheless, at some point during the holidays, I typically end up deeply enjoying one or two special moments. In some cases, these are the very experiences that I have spent time planning and preparing for. However, just as frequently, they are unexpected surprises that pop up, delighting and touching me, and imprinting memories I will cherish for years to come. And you know what? Having one or two of these poignant moments has proven to be enough to make me think fondly of the holiday season.
I’ve heard it said that if we make one or two good friends during a lifetime, we are lucky. I agree! We don’t need a long list of friends, but rather a couple of close friends with whom we can truly “share life.” I think the same is true for the holidays. It isn’t the number of experiences you have, but the depth to which one lights up your spirit that matters.
How do we recognize a “good” moment? Typically, good moments are those that make us pause in our tracks, take notice, and smile. A few that I remember from previous years include:
- Enjoy a delicious Italian lunch with my family in a beautifully decorated and inviting restaurant in NYC.
- Addressing Christmas cards late one night, after my children were asleep, and watching a Christmas special with music by David Foster.
- Strolling across my daughter’s college campus as snow fell around me.
- Watching my daughter discover a new swing set (with monkey bars!) that Santa had delivered during a major snow and windstorm.
- Driving home from work late one night, in the dark, on the backroads to avoid traffic, while listening to Christmas songs and enjoying the holiday light displays.
- Watching the living nativity at the end of the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall.
- Driving in a snowstorm with my husband to visit family far away, listening to an audiobook for the very first time.
- Observing my family as they quickly devoured a savory Christmas midday snack that I had made for the first time. (A spinach and cheese stuffed Christmas tree bread/pizza thing.)
- Sitting by the fire with my book group at a Christmas party (I brought peppermint cake).
These moments, spanning the years, remain with me. I hold their memories in my heart, and I am so grateful for them.
If you are feeling guilty because you are skipping a tradition, can’t bake all of the favorite cookies, can’t make it to all of the family gatherings, can’t seem to please anyone, or otherwise feel like you are falling short, I’m encouraging you to lower your expectations – of yourself, and of others. Keep your eyes out for a good moment, and when you experience it, take time to savor it.
Depending on your circumstances, it might take a bit of digging to find a good moment. I understand. Life is hard. Nevertheless, I hope that you will stay alert to the possibility. You never know when a truly special moment may show up and make your season sparkle.
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What holiday moment do you enjoy remembering?
Seana, you hit the nail on the head here. Television and all the other social media rarely, if ever, shows the other side of the holidays. It’s good to plan, to prepare, and take care of the things that are within our control. It’s also important to acknowledge that many things are outside of our control. We can’t control another person’s mood or expectations. We can’t control the unexpected. When we do our best and then let go – relax into each moment, savor it for what it is – then we open ourselves up to receive the experience. Some will be fabulous, some will not, some may be just ho-hum. The moments will be whatever they are and if we’re lucky we will have some terrific ones to treasure.
Such a great comment, Diane. Love what you said about not being able to control other people’s moods. We can plan perfectly, but a bad mood can have disappointing results. I’m always surprised when I truly poignant moment takes me by surprise… it is like a gift, and I cherish it!
I love this reminder. As I read through your list, it brought back memories to me of special holiday memories. Thank you for sharing.
I had fun thinking back over my various holiday seasons and selecting a few to share. It made me realize the benefit of doing this, reminding myself of my many blessings!
This is so beautiful Seana. It is so easy to miss those moments and just not be appreciative. I love your examples. We are so focused on what is not working or is not perfect that we miss the good stuff. And you are right – there will be challenges along the way – and we just move through them the best that we can.
Writing this was a reminder for me that I don’t need 20 stellar moments to have the holiday season be considered “worthy.” Collecting my list of memories to share brought home the point that it is often the little, unexpected moments that end up sticking with me!
This is such a beautiful and welcoming idea, Seana. You’re right that the holiday season can put undue pressure on us to make each day “perfect” and celebratory. But aside from “perfect” being an unrealistic goal, why put so much pressure on yourself? Instead, relax that thought and aim for one meaningful, memorable experience. You might experience more, but making “more” a requirement is unnecessary.
The season began with Thanksgiving, and honestly, my heart is still full of warm memories of having our family here. I am grateful for that time together.
It didn’t end there. Even though I wasn’t trying to pack in things for the season, the holidays had other plans for me. We’ve already gone to several beautiful gatherings, and there are more fun things to look forward to. One of them is this week when I head into the city to see the play “I Need That.” And bonus, I get to see you! I can’t wait!!!
I’m excited about our NYC trip too. I honestly don’t know what to expect, which I think will end up working in my favor. I’ll just show up and soak it in – what fun!
This is such an important lesson. As the decades have gone by, entertainment media and social media has led everyone to believe that the holidays should be perfect, everyone should get along well, that every gift received will be well-thought out and every gift given will be appreciated. We are taught the same about weddings. proms, and vacations, and so much else in life, and it can lead to disappointment. Your post is the firm but gentle reality check that everyone needs.
Instead of expecting all of the moments to be glorious, keeping your eyes open to the moments worth remembering (and in remembering them, their value will increase) is the way to go. Not only is a perfect, magical holiday unrealistic, but we have to “stop comparing our insides to everyone else’s outsides,” which often leads to envy and resentment. The memories you value are uniquely yours, and they are mostly those quiet, intimate moments rather than Big Bang events. The value of your memories is everlasting. Thanks for this great reminder.
It was funny as I was looking back, recalling my favorite memories, to see what popped up. Some were fancy moments, but others were quite mundane. We can’t plan in advance which moments will be most memorable, and in a way, that’s a relief!
Ah! The life we live is far from the Hallmark Channel! We are all remarking how much 2023 has been more complicated than we thought. The moments I love are the little precious times together. Our annual family event that we cherish is a special dinner with us and our grands. It is precious time together.
I can picture a very inviting dinner with your grands – what a joy! The older I get, the more moments like these matter. 🙂
This is such a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing some of your most amazing memories with us. It must be something very special.
It was fun putting that list together to share. It isn’t always the grand moments that make the most lasting memory!
It is so true. I never know when it will hit, but I am on the lookout throughout the month. Will the spirit strike at Handel’s Messiah? What about Cirque with the Hartford Symphony?
For me, it is often while standing in a candlelit circle singing “Silent Night.” How I have missed that, but this year a friend invited me to share at their church, so who knows??
Thanks for reminding me of the many moments!
Every year I’ll just be trucking along through the season, and then “boom,” I’ll have a good moment. Now I know to take note of it, and even say out loud, “I’m going to remember this nice moment!”
So true. For us, December has been recovering from two rounds of colds and pink-eye. Some of us got both, some of us got one or the other, but no one was spared from all!
I put a lot of pressure on myself to really feel the holiday spirit, so much so that I haven’t truly felt it in age. I’m counting on this year, but it hasn’t really happened. Or maybe it has. It’s small moments, like watching my three-year-old wave to Santa from across the room, but hide behind my leg when Santa got closer. (I liked feeling protective)
Having a non-coffee based holiday Starbucks drink with my daughter, and perfect night in which we went to Trader Joe’s for holiday fun.
Those are all terrific moments that I bet you will remember! My house was always riddled with illness. In fact, my husband has a bad cold right now, and I’m just trying to sterilize everything to keep the rest of us from getting it. Being sick makes it hard to enjoy things for sure. I have a Trader Joe’s nearby – what kind of holiday fun am I missing out on?