This week I’m sharing my second thought for the holiday season.
For a variety of reasons, many people struggle to enjoy the holiday season. Depending on what is going on (e.g., loss of a loved one, illness, job stress, a child in trouble, etc.), you may find it difficult to be happy this year. Every year is different, and some years are more jolly than others.
At the same time, the way we experience any situation, including the holidays, is connected to our attitude and thoughts. Believe it or not, we listen to ourselves! In fact, it is very difficult to get away from our internal dialogue, because everywhere we go, there we are! The good news is, we can choose to focus on the elements of our lives that are bringing us joy. This may be a big event, such as a show, family time, or a vacation. Alternatively, it might be a small thing, like the warmth of a mug of hot chocolate under cold fingers, or a kind word from a hospital worker. Whether big or small, we can do our best to focus on and celebrate these things. In general, it is the the things we fixate upon that tend to seem bigger, so why not try to magnify the positive?
Additionally, if we want to enjoy the holidays, it may be wise for us to “tune out” some of the news and messaging that tends to make us unhappy. This might look like declining to check the headlines or taking a respite from social media. Perhaps we might benefit by stepping away from a conversation. We can’t insulate ourselves from everything that is negative, but we may be able to block some of it from getting in.
Lastly, when things are really hard, we can often find joy in doing something nice for someone else. It is strangely magical how serving others can provide (at least temporarily) a mental break from ourselves and our worries.
Please know that I am not advocating living in a fantasy land, denying reality, or pretending things are better than they are. Nor am I suggesting that we can simply “think” ourselves out of something serious, such as clinical depression. Life can be hard, and if/when we feel hopeless, it is always a good idea to reach out for help. At the same time, no matter what we may be going through, choosing to be on the lookout for “joy in the midst” is a gift we can give ourselves this holiday season.
Do you tend to feel joyful or sad during the holiday season? What might bring you joy this year?
Seana, this is such timely and wise advice. We DO listen to ourselves and that which we focus our attention and energy on can become all encompassing. Just like the age old expression making mountains out of mole hills indicates. The options you present are lovely. I admit to sometimes dragging my feet to a local volunteer event and then becoming involved and uplifted seeing how the community benefits. In all things, the attitude you bring to each day matters.
We often win or lose the battle in our mind. I have the same “dragging” feeling, sometimes even with social events. Afterwards, however, I’m always happy I went.
The Christmas holidays hold a mixture of joy and sadness. I miss the large family gatherings we used to have when all my siblings and their families gathered. But I still love the decorations, the times with friends and some family, the exchanging of gifts. I get a lot of joy from my tree and my candles. I enjoy receiving cards.
It’s still one of my favorite seasons.
I think as we get older and experience change and loss the holiday season can be hard. At the same time, as you point out, there are still small joys. If we can focus on these (and hence, magnify them), we can still find joy. I find plugging in my lights and tree gives me a lot of joy too – totally get that!
I totally agree, Seana! If we step back and observe the joy we have right now and truly appreciate it, we will open up and notice more positive things in our lives. Thank you for sharing this reminder.
It’s kind of amazing how much power we hold when we manage our thought life. It doesn’t fix true problems, but it definitely changes the way we experience them.
This calls to mind one of my favorite “psychology” expressions: don’t believe everything you think. We give so much credence to what we give our attention to, and sometimes we give our mental attention to fears and anticipation of things that may never happen, and we convince ourselves that neutral or slightly negative things are horrible, making us more miserable than we need to be. What you’re recommending isn’t that we should be Pollyannas, but simply that we let our focus drift away from the darker side of things, and that’s beneficial even when it’s not the holidays,
And yes, the holidays are especially difficult for anyone who doesn’t live the medium-induced definition of the “norm.”
So many reasons why the holidays can be difficult! I love your phrase “don’t believe everything you think.” While we can’t control everything, we can choose where to put our focus, and hence what we choose to magnify!
The power of our thoughts and attitude are undeniable. I love your message because it encourages us to find some joy (even if small,) in many ways. This season can cause stress, pressure, and anxiety. We can overwhelm ourselves by saying “yes” to everything, rather than being more selective. Aside from our actual choices with time, the choice of thoughts can radically change our experience. Also love how you advocate to do something kind for others as a way of bringing in more joy.
It’s pretty amazing to me to see how people experiencing similar external circumstances can react/cope so differently. The power that our thoughts have to improve the way we experience life is pretty astounding to me. To me it is empowering, because it means I can find joy even when everything isn’t “ok.” The holidays can be rough for so many reasons, but there can still be happy moments in the midst if we look for them!
I usually feel joyful for the most part. I do suffer from anxiety, as you know, and doing things for others is usually my anxiety antidote so this season is a lot of meeting in the middle with all that.
I love that you also have found that doing things for others relieves anxiety. I think it just gives us a break from thinking about all the things that are worrying us, right? What a wonderful thing!
This is such a timely suggestion. I recently lost a good friend which has made me sad but I am busy planning a couple of social events we are hosting and that is helping me to concentrate on happy things. The holidays bring a lot of extra responsibilities which can seem daunting but concentrating on the music of the season and happy events can counteract those feelings. Thanks for the reminder.
Ah yes, music is another great joy of the season! I love putting on music as well, Dianne. It is something of a balm to the stress that can take over at this time.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your friend. We feel the absence of those we love most very keenly at the holidays. I hope your social events bring you “joy in the midst.”
I love your take on this. There’s so much negativity on social media and in the news, but you don’t need to be miserable to be engaged. It’s a great idea to take a break from social media or electronics, especially during the holidays when there’s a lot of fun to be had.
And thanks for mentioning “stepping away from a conversation” as an option. Learning to disengage from conversations that don’t benefit anyone is such a valuable skill.
Sometimes it is the things we choose not to do that have the biggest impact on our mood, right? Today there was something on the television that I just didn’t want to watch. In other times, I probably would have waited it out, but today I decided to switch it off. I felt good about the decision, and that empowers me to consider doing this more often!
I tend to feel sad. Partly due to less light, partly due to graciously negotiating family plans and partly due to there being lots of work for a couple of hours of enjoyment. Now I go to holiday events in the community throughout the month, plays, sports, lights walks, etc. This makes the month enjoyable and puts less emphasis on one day turning out “perfectly.”
Totally love the idea of spreading the cheer out over the month, instead of burdening one day with the pressure to “picture perfect,” which it rarely is. Also, this way there are multiple opportunities to have some joy, big or small! Wishing you joy this season, Julie!
It’s always important to realize some people struggle during the holidays and let them know you’re there for them. What a kind and timely post. Thank you for sharing.
The holidays can be the hardest time of the year for many. If we really want to “celebrate,” we can do our best to pour some joy out, and help others who are struggling find some too.